I'd love to write a book called 'How to Raise a Virgin.' Seriously, I think a book about that would sell. — Bert Kreischer Book Copy Share Image
I love going on other people's podcasts - in my opinion not enough people ask me to be guests! — Bert Kreischer Enough Copy Share Image
I adopted a motto: Never say no. Jim Morrison never said no, Kurt Cobain never said no. You couldn't have great things… — Bert Kreischer Great Copy Share Image
My favorite thing to do is just hang out at home and watch a movie with my wife and my two daughters.… — Bert Kreischer Best Copy Share Image
I get this weird energy that starts in my feet and goes up and fills my head, and I just want to… — Bert Kreischer Crowd Copy Share Image
I really respect those guys that get $250,000 for punching up scripts, because it's an art form. — Bert Kreischer Art Copy Share Image
I am not a big fan of very prepared standup. I like when Dave Attell writes and I appreciate it but I… — Bert Kreischer Big fan Copy Share Image
My first stand-up experience was in Tallahassee at a club called Potbelly's. — Bert Kreischer Club Copy Share Image
I'm such a lazy traveler. When I go to a city now, I hang out around the venue. I'm boring. — Bert Kreischer Around Copy Share Image
There's nothing like making a crowd laugh. For me that's the ultimate high. — Bert Kreischer Crowd Copy Share Image
Here's the weird thing about me. I was never one to tell you stories about me. I was always the guy who… — Bert Kreischer Always Copy Share Image
Don't hole up in your apartment and just write jokes, be a real human being and develop your own voice. Then you… — Bert Kreischer Human Copy Share Image
I was in New York City and my sister and cousin came out to see me, and I brought a guitar on… — Bert Kreischer City Copy Share Image
When people think of New York, they don't automatically think of going to Chelsea Piers and Pier 40, where you're going to… — Bert Kreischer Baseball Copy Share Image
I know the one thing that will reset my button is getting up and running a fast mile. — Bert Kreischer Fast Copy Share Image
When I was on 'Hurt Bert' on FX - and I'm not crapping on FX, I'm just being honest - there was… — Bert Kreischer Being Copy Share Image
I was in an ESPN interview and was asked, 'Who would I most want to ride a roller coaster with?' and I… — Bert Kreischer Girl Copy Share Image
My biggest regret is by far doing the Travel Channel show, 'Bert the Adventurer.' I spent seven years away from my family.… — Bert Kreischer Family Copy Share Image
I'm a comedian. I want you to laugh. That's my main goal. I punch things up to get things tighter, quicker and… — Bert Kreischer Comedian Copy Share Image
My second freshman year of college, that's year two of seven, my father got very sick and though he was going to… — Bert Kreischer Birthday Copy Share Image
