American Dad Quotes

30 quotes in 573 categories

• God, please watch over the soul of this dead dog and carry him up to heaven... because he sure as hell can't walk... he's dead.…
• Stan: Hilary, look out for the mines! (Explosion) What did I just say? You heard me. What did I just say? Steve: You said, "Look…
• Steve: This is it. I have absolute power. (Over intercom) Doris, could you please send in our high school mascot? (Man dressed in a buffalo…
• Principal Lewis: Smith! What's the meaning of this?! Steve: Principal Lewis, I am taking your office. Pursuant to Pearl Bailey High Statuete 39-F, quote, "The…
• By the way, Haley, oh my God, these Chocodiles, these Chocodiles Haley, oh my God, these Chocodiles, oh my God! -Roger
• Hayley: (To Stan) You know, Steve's dog would still be alive if you right-wing lunatics would agree to gun control. Stan: You know what I…
• Hayley: Oh my God. Dad, why is Hilary Duff in our house? Stan: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to…
• Steve: Bobby, get over here, I want my Shazzam shirt dry cleaned and pressed by third period. Oh, and another thing, all periods will now…
• Stan: (Picks up telephone) This is Stan Smith. Principal Lewis: Mr. Smith, I'm afraid there's a problem with your son. Stan: Oh, God, he's gay.…
• Stan: (With gun, searching the house) Osama, is that you? (Hears noise, fires gun) Roger: Geez, Stan, what gives? Holy Toledo, you killed your son's…
• Girl: Hey, I love your dog. Guy: Hey, want to come back to my apartment and pet my schnauzer? Girl: Okay. Guy: And then we…
• Roger: Oh, don't everybody help at once. Francine: My goodness, Roger! When was the last time you weighed yourself? Roger: Oh, oh, ow. Ow, Francine.…
• Stan: Here's your allowance, champ! Steve: Wow... a whole five bucks. Stan: Yeah, I'm gonna need change.
• Hayley: It's just toast, Dad. Stan: This time it was toast, Hayley. This time.
• Klaus: You know what looks good to me? Francine bent over that sink. Francine: Klaus, calm down.
• CIA Man 1: Hey, wanna get baked and ride the escalators at the mall? CIA Man 2: Do I!
• Terry: Actually, Greg married once. Greg: I was confused. Is that why you're here, Stan? Are you confused?
• Greg: First time the threat level's been blue. Just like my handsome co-anchor's lovely eyes. Terry: Stop it. Greg: Come on now, we've talked about…
• Francine: This is a wonderful starter home. I've been saving it for a couple just like you. Woman: Pretty soon, we're gonna be more than…
• Stan: Francine, what the hell is going on? You were fired. (Donald Trump comes in) Stan: That's passive past tense, Trump! You don't own that!

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