Quote by Augusten Burroughs

““I would borrow the microphone and stuff it down the front of my pants, examining myself from every angle in the mirror””

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More by Augusten Burroughs

There is nothing about myself that I wouldn't reveal or write about. I don't care how horrendous or ridiculous I may appear in person…

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“We were alone together, we were an us.”

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Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her.

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“You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do.”

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Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping.

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If you hate your life, you haven't' seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and…

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I think writers tend to be experience junkies, and I think they also tend to want to be on the outside looking in.

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I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in…

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“On typical days, (dust) is simply irritating. On Roid Rage days, it made me want to stomp down to the highway, pull drivers out…

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I'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways.

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“Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.”

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“It's not that I was an outright nitwit of a child.”

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