"You don't know anything about pain until you've……" — Anthony Jeselnik
"You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby."
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Anthony Jeselnik
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30 Quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnik has 30 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if…
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This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it.…
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My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.
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Mike Tyson, what can I say about you that hasn’t already been the title of a Richard Pryor album?
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Charlie Sheen called his boss on 'Two and a Half Men' a 'Jew ki**' and expected to go back to work.…
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God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.
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My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to…
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Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of…
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You know how everybody has that one weird creepy uncle? Well, Seth Green looks like he got raped by all…
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Ellen Barkin, your upcoming TV show ‘The New Normal’ premiers on September 11th. September 11th, that sounds about right. Every…
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Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all,…
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The world is full of horrible things...
See all 30 quotes by Anthony Jeselnik »
More Baby Quotes
This quote is filed under Baby Quotes,
one of 5,122 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Apart from anything else, I am designed by evolution, like we all are: if we see a little thing like…
— David Attenborough
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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her…
— Enid Bagnold
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There is a 'sanctity' involved with bringing a child into this world: it is better than bombing one out of…
— James A. Baldwin
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I talked about adopting a baby when I was 20 years old, before it became 'hip.'
— Tyra Banks
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It's not like I want to hop on a bandwagon, because I said it 15 years ago - bringing a…
— Tyra Banks
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It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why…
— Dave Barry
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If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you…
— Dave Barry
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I feel like some of my baby fat is going away, and that's not just physically, it's psychologically. I think…
— Drew Barrymore
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There is no dream of love, however ideal it may be, which does not end up with a fat, greedy…
— Charles Baudelaire
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I have no TV, thank God. I haven't heard anything about Tom Cruise, except that he had a baby, I…
— Emmanuelle Beart
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
— Milton Berle
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Having a baby takes so much from you. It's the most glorious thing you'll ever do, but the aftermath is…
— Halle Berry
See all 5,122 Baby Quotes »