Christie Quote by Andy Borowitz

If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.

— Kinky Friedman

The case could be made that Rick Perry is the worst debater to ever run for president.

— James Carville

“Scanning USA Today during those weeks [searching for murderer Michael Perry] was interesting because I would come to a headline like, "Suspect in five…

— Gavin deBecker

Remember, I'm not running against Rick Perry; I'm running against apathy.

— Kinky Friedman

People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on…

— Conan O'Brien

Rick Perry's an idiot, and I don't think anyone would disagree with that,

— Bruce Bartlett

It is literally painful to watch Rick Perry as a candidate.

— James Carville

I think there's one more thing Perry can forget, too: Being president.

— Jay Leno

I salute Rick Perry for the way he's trying to overcome this. Today he came out and said he's not one of those slick…

— Craig Ferguson

Westerners know the difference between a talker and the real deal. If Rick Perry wasn't right to be governor of Texas, why should he…

— Dick Cheney

Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I…

— Bill Maher

You know, there are a lot of would-be governors of Texas sitting around today who never took the opportunity to get into a race…

— Laura Bush