People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you… — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two. — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born. — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the… — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter… — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back… — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather. — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
