If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've never seen anything like it. People in Scotland drink while they're drinking. — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism and my love of Christ and I… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, [George] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
My wife and I have long discussions about [George] Carlin, and we refuse to accept that he died an atheist. It's just, confounding. When… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
I remember I used to go to The Laugh Factory and just goof off onstage, and then I'd see Dane Cook. He did a… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week... It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
First of all, my wife writes half my act. I don't know how I could "steal" from my wife. — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
If there are 1,500 people in a theater and they're all there to see you, there are no other guys. You're the guy. So… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
Comedians are always going to be in the showbiz middle class, you're not Brad Pitt; you're never going to be Sam Rockwell or Shia… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them. — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
![“I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, [George] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the order.” quote by Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/af2/jay-mohr-4777_construction_i-m-telling-you-i-could-teach-at-a-unive_29549.jpg)
![“My wife and I have long discussions about [George] Carlin, and we refuse to accept that he died an atheist. It's just, confounding. When I talked to Kelly [George Carlin's daughter] about it, she said that George Carlin once took her at about 12 years old and said, "I've figured it out." And he…” quote by Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/888/jay-mohr-4777_accepting_my-wife-and-i-have-long-discussions-abou_105382.jpg)
