“Life is made up of now, and the past and the future are nothing more than inedible garnishes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hate the smell of success, because most of the time it smells like sweat. Maybe that’s why I’m poor, because every… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The future seems so crowded to me. All I see is me, me, me, me, me and a million other clones of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Courage is a commodity I sell in times of peace. But then my father was a chicken farmer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People don’t know I have a checkered past. I used to be a picnic table cloth.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only time I like traffic lights turning yellow or red is in the fall.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Its what you do in your free time that will set you freeor enslave you.¨ — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t have time to bury the money. All my precious time was taken up burying the body. I should have left… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In the future, it’ll be my child, but it will be my child’s life, so I must name it not for me,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He played a great part in my life. It was great in that it was a majority of time, but it wasn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were the color blue, and you were the color orange, I wouldn't want you around all the time, because who… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The problem with Marxism is the proletariat isnt going to rise up against capitalism and consumerism. The only time theyll rise up… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Please, allow me a moment to put my penis back where it belongs. I should never have taken it out of its… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made love to a woman 20 years older than me. The impressive part is that I was only eleven at the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There is one tree in Gainesville I call "Grandfather" because it looks like a giant Bonsai tree. Well, that and I actually… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could only read the word because of the discoloration on the wall from the accumulation of grime over time around the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People used to tell me that when I smile I really warm up the room. Well, the moment someone told me about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put a saddle on my salad, and I rode my horseradish to Rhode Island, where I was just in time to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We picked up where we left off, with leftovers, and I said this was the best… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If radios and microwaves merged, then the ideal pop song would be three minutes, or the length of time a bag of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Things can go three ways—left, right, or straight. If you stand on one side, either the left or the right, you will… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My chameleon fingertips feel sticky, furry, rough, or any number of things, depending on what I’m touching at the time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. With you not being there I notice your unbeing, with you still being a being in time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like I sell sausages to strange women. One at a time, and always covered with a condom (to keep… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I took a shortcut and saved a ton of time. Literally 2,000 pounds of it. Now I have extra time and love… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I remember the first time we made love like it was the second time. We never made love again, and I don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m the most expensive person in my life. Every day I pay for the poor decisions of my past.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Me and my clones will form a band called The Eels. I’ll be one of the most electrifying performers of all time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Money is flowing past you all the time like an invisible breeze. The trick is to get some to slide into your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I hung out with my clones all the time, would I be introverted or extroverted?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Time flows like a canoe floats, and my love would fit in your purse if you’d just empty your money into my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is as old as time, though it is considerably more difficult to stuff inside a watch.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to foretell the future. And from all indicators, 2013’s going to be a blanket of a year. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I tried to make it out in the moment, while we were making out, but now I’ve got it. That odor was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love had two wings and rhymed with “mutter-lie,” could I be your caterpillar? All I’m asking for is a little time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time I went speed dating, I brought a radar gun. I got clocked at over 70 miles per hour.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
