“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over you in other, nonsexual ways. And, in some relationships, the abuser's belief in the power of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over you in other, nonsexual ways. And, in some relationships, the abuser's belief in the power of his sexuality is self-fulfilling: if much of the rest of the time he acts cold or mean, the episodes of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another. So while it is valuable, for example, to teach nonviolent conflict-resolution skills to elementary school students—a popular initiative nowadays—such efforts contribute little by themselves to ending abuse. Teaching equality, teaching a deep respect for all human beings — these… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share
Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has a right… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even remotely associated… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
