While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Russians will consume marinated mushrooms and vodka, salted herring and vodka, smoked salmon and vodka, salami and vodka, caviar on brown bread… — Hedrick Smith Copy Share Image
We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault. — Ashleigh Brilliant Copy Share Image
You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin. — Joe Orton Copy Share Image
Do not touch MY iPhone. It's not an usPhone, it's not a wePhone, it's not an ourPhone. It's an iPhone. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I try not to be one particular type of comedian - I try to be foolish, and silly, and surreal, and quite… — Sean Lock Copy Share Image
Cashier: Are you buying these? Me: No, I'm going to steal them, I just wanted to show you first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer, made her confident way towards… — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
Everyone has their own road they to travel in life, some just have more pot holes than others.Mine is under construction with… — Sarah Moores Copy Share Image
You are so pure in mind and heart, In aspect, too, so mild, I wonder that you ever could Implant your wife… — Martial Copy Share Image
For guys its bros before hoes, for girls its chicks before dicks, for me it who ever the eff has my back… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
She was kind of girl who'd eat all your cashews and leave you with nothing but peanuts and filberts. — Raymond Chandler Copy Share Image
Definition Of A Human Being: A Creature That Chops Down Trees, Makes It Into Paper, And Writes, SAVE TREES On That Same… — Toni Watson Copy Share Image
Light can replace Dark, Success can replace Failure, Smile can replace Pain, But nothing can replace YOU, WHY? . . cuz Defective… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering! — Ashleigh Brilliant Copy Share Image
To live as one likes is plebian the noble man aspires to order and law. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Copy Share Image
Damn, I forgot to go to the gym yesterday! That's 10 years in a row now... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate it when the cashier's ask, 'Is that everything?' Uhh, no. I'd also like to purchase all of this invisible sh*t… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
