You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work. — Hy Gardner Copy Share Image
Baltimore has been a punchline/punching bag for years - I've landed a few blows, to be fair - but those old jokes… — Laura Lippman Copy Share Image
Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master, At which the audience never fail to laugh? — Aristophanes Copy Share Image
I've dropped a lot of race humor from my routines, not because I think it is in bad taste, but because I… — Nipsey Russell Copy Share Image
“Leo,” Jason said, “you’re weird.” “Yeah, you tell me that a lot.” Leo grinned. “But if you don’t remember me, that means… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I like to tell old jokes on stage after about an hour, or an hour and a half. I'll bring those old… — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. — George Burns Copy Share Image
There's an old joke that you know you're in heaven if the cooks are Italian and the engineering is German. If it's… — David Byrne Copy Share Image
I could become like that dyslexic agnostic in the old joke - the one who lies in bed and tries to figure… — Anne Lamott Copy Share Image
Is there any other democracy where the voters are as spoiled as they are in the United States? Especially, of course, in… — Michael Kinsley Copy Share Image
according to the old joke, married people are often like little boys bathing, who cry with chattering teeth to the boys on… — Dinah Maria Murlock Craik Copy Share Image
There is an old joke about socialism as the synthesis of the highest achievements of the whole human history to date: from… — Slavoj Žižek Copy Share Image
You know that old joke about potheads having bad memories? Well, the bad memories are like pain, discomfort, and fear. So you… — Tommy Chong Copy Share Image
You know that old joke about the guy who lives to be 104? The punch line goes something like 'If I knew… — Oprah Winfrey Copy Share Image
Nigerians are everywhere. There's an old joke, particularly about the Ibos, that when you finally land on Mars, you're going to find… — Chris Abani Copy Share Image
And the look on her face as she opened the door Was like an old joke told by a friend. It'd taken… — Harry Chapin Copy Share Image
The whole movie thing has never been a source of great pride for me, in that Burt Reynolds, who starred in the… — Brock Yates Copy Share Image
Being a military child, we moved a lot and we developed different vernaculars from moving from the south, to the Midwest, and… — Joe Torry Copy Share Image
This is not really currency that circulates. It's like the old joke about expensive vintage wine. Wine prices will go up and… — Michael Hudson Copy Share Image
An old joke puts its thus, "when a man speaks to a god its prayer , when a god speaks to a… — Peter J. Carroll Copy Share Image
We first got marijuana from an older drummer with another group in Liverpool. We didn't actually try it until after we'd been… — George Harrison Copy Share Image
If you do a joke that's really old, then what happens is people on Reddit and Twitter just go, 'Real original, you're… — Chris Hardwick Copy Share Image
There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars." — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
Because, as we are told—a sad old joke, too— Ghosts, like the ladies, never speak till spoke to. — Bill Vaughan Copy Share Image
Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
People who don't like cats haven't been around them. There's the old joke: dogs have masters, cats have staff. — Betty White Copy Share Image
Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke. — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
