I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve. — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“donut can give you the kind of hug from inside that celery just can’t muster.” — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
I never ever, ever say anything against my husband to anyone except my husband. Everyone gets in fights, and I think the natural propensity… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
Fletch then kisses me on the forehead before opening the cabinet under the coffeemaker to grab placemats and napkins. Retrieving these items is his… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“If I were a lesbian and had a thing for narcissistic ex-sorority girls? I’d totally do me." Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass, or Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office: A Memoir” — Jen Lancaster Copy Share
“I feel like my takeaway from tonight is that it's okay to love shitty television, provided that you make an effort to appreciate other… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“But there's always a chance she's hiding a flask and a Nixon-esque Enemies List in her pinafore apron, which is exactly why we're such… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“Cost to clean deeply soiled rugs: $200. Cost to replace shiny, black, stack-heeled, pilgrim-toed boots: $185. Cost to fix every single delicious table and… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“I love the French and Italian church paintings from the Middle Ages. But I'm also interested to learn more about who was the first to make the leap from religious art to secular. That couldn't have been a small feat. Who was brave enough to say, " You know what? Enough of Jesus. I'mma paint me this here bowl of… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share
“You know why I love HGTV? It's not just that I get a peek into other people's lives. It's that everyone's always thrilled with the end result, whether they're redecorating an unfortunate room, selling a house, or cleaning up another contractor's mess. I love for a happy ending, and HGTV is perpetually upbeat and optimistic. The shows are all about… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share
I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there. — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
