I love my parents and they're wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast.… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it. — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
