Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person? — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv,… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
