In the opening to the Mary Tyler Moore Show Mary's in the supermarket, hurrying through the aisles. She pauses at the meat… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
In order for us [people] to progress, we need brilliance and brilliance isn't fair and it's not polite and we can't grow… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
If I were a serial killer, I would not be the kind that stabs and then eats the victim. I would be… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I did not consider him to be any kind of a genius. I considered him deeply lacking in the area that mattered… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I can't tell you how much I love Target and Costco, that kind of culture, because it's something I never felt a… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
When people meet me, many times they're very surprised because they expect someone who is kind of wacky with seven piercings and… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
So that's what I'm here to become. And suddenly, this word fills me with a brand of sadness I haven't felt since… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Most everybody had made at least one bad, drunken decision in their lives. Called an ex at two in the morning. Or… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
There is nothing about myself that I wouldn't reveal or write about. I don't care how horrendous or ridiculous I may appear in person… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
If you hate your life, you haven't' seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I think writers tend to be experience junkies, and I think they also tend to want to be on the outside looking in. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“On typical days, (dust) is simply irritating. On Roid Rage days, it made me want to stomp down to the highway, pull drivers out… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
![“In order for us [people] to progress, we need brilliance and brilliance isn't fair and it's not polite and we can't grow it. It happens. Genius happens and it doesn't always happen in a zip code where we can access it. Therefore, we kind of need [Internet] not to keep tabs on everybody but we need…” quote by Augusten Burroughs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/1a4/augusten-burroughs-603_access_in-order-for-us-people-to-progress-we-ne_337473.jpg)
