You can leave a kid alone and it will learn to fend for itself, how to work the remote, a tin opener, and the microwave. I see the holidays as a chance for kids to learn self-sufficiency. — Al Murray Copy Share Image
“I'm not an alcoholic, I am freedom fighter against the teetotal taliban.” — Al Murray Copy Share Image
We need a war every 10 years, so we can stay match fit in case the Germans try again. — Al Murray Copy Share Image
Louis Pasteur, the great scientist, said "chance favours the prepared mind", which is a posh way of saying 'do your homework', but it's an… — Al Murray Copy Share Image
Seriously, if you want to get inside the head of a stand-up comic, you could do a lot worse than reading Steve Martin's Born… — Al Murray Copy Share Image
I love playing. In lots of ways, I think having been able to carry on playing purely out of love rather than having to… — Al Murray Copy Share Image
Actually, when you're doing something you love, even when you're busy and it's hectic you don't feel the need to relax. I never used… — Al Murray Copy Share Image
In the world of comedy, there's this: "If it's going badly, get off. If it's going well, get off". You can't argue with that… — Al Murray Copy Share Image
Things inspiring me - good melody, a great bass line, a fabulous voice... by which I mean someone who sounds great, rather than does… — Al Murray Copy Share Image
The American dream? We don't have a dream in Britain because we're bloody awake! — Al Murray Copy Share Image
I read a lot. I spend of lot time thinking. It actually looks like I'm doing nothing, but... hanging out with clever and interesting… — Al Murray Copy Share Image
My mum had a cousin that had played when he was younger. When I showed an interest in drumming, he showed me how to… — Al Murray Copy Share Image
