I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Even 'Lord of the Rings' had dwarf-tossing jokes in it. It's like, 'Really?' — Peter Dinklage Copy Share Image
When I make a joke, nobody gets injured... when Congress makes a joke, it's the law. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
How about this, you remove Funny/Model from your bio and let me be the judge of that. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars." — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I have a neighbor he is from China, he is a dwarf, I ask him what his name is? He said, Tai… — Glen Rambharack Copy Share Image
We were watching the first series recently, and it has a charm, a kind of amateur charm. At that point we didn't… — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
One should never risk a joke, even of the mildest and most unexceptional charters, except among people of culture and wit. — Jean de la Bruyere Copy Share Image
The sun isn't your friend. It didn't laugh at that stupid little joke. But when the business failed, when your beauty failed,… — Sy Safransky Copy Share Image
Now and again there will be the occasional joke about owing someone two dollars from the days in '63 when I was… — Robert Plant Copy Share Image
Italians have a little joke, that the world is so hard a man must have two fathers to look after him, and… — Mario Puzo Copy Share Image
I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, “Oh, no, I'm joking,… — Anna Torv Copy Share Image
Facebook is now like home. If you don't come back in 24 hours it means you are either lost, dead, sick or… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
Comedy is a wonderful device for distance that allows us to look at what we're talking about with some degree of distance… — Alexander Payne Copy Share Image
In Germany, people are saying, "George W. Bush is an asshole. Osama Bin Laden is an asshole." But then I make jokes… — Uwe Boll Copy Share Image
The more repression there is, the more need there is for irreverence toward those who are responsible for that repression. But too… — Paul Krassner Copy Share Image
I asked a thief to steal me a peach: He turned up his eyes. I asked a lithe lady to lie her… — William Blake Copy Share Image
What’ cha doing out here all alone? Did you forget how to find Sanctuary? (Simi) No. I want to be alone for… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
That name was a kind of joke, and not a very good one. An author, Leon Lederman, wanted to call it 'that… — Peter Higgs Copy Share Image
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. — David Ogilvy Copy Share Image
I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do. — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
Paris and Nicky Hilton? Those girls will show up to the opening of a phone book. It's like a big joke. — Rachel Perry Copy Share Image
If my jokes offend you: 1. Im sorry. 2. It wont happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. and 4. get over it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Now that I had assigned myself an act without jokes, I gave myself a rule. Never let them know I was bombing” — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
Stereotypically speaking feminists can't take a joke. ::audience boo:: See? — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke. — David Rees Copy Share Image
Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Family jokes, through rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive. — Stella Benson Copy Share Image
You can dissect a joke just as you can a frog. But it tends to die on you. — E. B. White Copy Share Image
