Jokes Quotes · Page 37

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

— Nikhil Saluja

Always laugh heartily at the jokes your boss tells, it maybe a loyalty test.

— Anonymous

Let me rub your tummy girl till' you feel better babe, read you something funny, girl. Jokes to make you laugh.

— Miguel Jontel

Why do we call it truth or dare when we all know it's really Who do you like or Awkward sexual task.

— Pretty Ladii

That moment when you say something and everyone laughs, so you just sit there like a boss.

— Anonymous

One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator.

— Nikhil Saluja

A good mathematical joke is better, and better mathematics, than a dozen mediocre papers.

— John Edensor Littlewood

I secrete jokes like the pancreas secretes... whatever the pancreas secretes.

— Marshall Brickman

Any time you can be with like-minded people, laughing or crying over the same joke or the same scene... For me, it's…

— Michael De Luca

My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all…

— Mike Stud

My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully…

— Henry Cho

I realised that all one really had to do was just observe. Observe and slightly exaggerate, and you had comedy. Instead of…

— Mel Brooks

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did you understand the explanation…

— Azgraybebly Josland

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was…

— Wanda Sykes

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally…

— Dave Attell

I think people love to be noticed, they love to feel included. A lot of people are flattered if you, you know,…

— Jennifer Saunders

The fact of the matter is that Buddhism has changed a lot. When St. Francis of Xavier arrived in Japan, he wrote…

— Ninian Smart

Men propound mathematical theorems in besieged cities, conduct metaphysical arguments in condemned cells, make jokes on the scaffold, discuss a new poem…

— C. S. Lewis

You know that old joke about the guy who lives to be 104? The punch line goes something like 'If I knew…

— Oprah Winfrey

When I was growing up, my mother was always a friend to my siblings and me (in addition to being all the…

— Marlo Thomas

I have never been able to understand the complaint that a story is "depressing" because of its subject matter. What depresses me…

— Tobias Wolff

You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my…

— Tom Lehrer

I'm not a comedian. I'm not a show host. I'm a musician. That's why I've turned down offers to host the Grammy…

— Michael Jackson

Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened…

— Joan Rivers

I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.

— Ricky Gervais

I am a fan of whatever makes me laugh my ass off. If it happens to be a Jew joke, then it's…

— Alex Borstein

You name any horrific thing, and I can make a joke out of it.

— Quentin Tarantino

Crusaders have just f-ked me over what a bas-rd joke, excuse my language I'm absolutely furious.

— Keith Senior

I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.

— David Cross

I think I love jokes! The best jokes are equal to the best art, in my mind, and as rare.

— Travis Nichols

Most men don't realize their wife's worth till a judge decides the alimony amount

— Anonymous

Dear Parents, go buy a calculator and solve your own problems. I'm not a therapist.

— Kevin McCarty

When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing?

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man.

— Nikhil Saluja

Is anything wrong, dear? the old joke went. No, why? You moved. Just don't move.

— Margaret Atwood

“We seldom look up to the person; we usually look up to their persona.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

What's worse than a bull in a china shop? A hedgehog in a condom factory.

— Anonymous

If you keep up with pop culture, everybody knows the joke.

— Shawn Wayans

For the amount of talent I had (and I couldn't dance, act, or tell a joke) I enjoyed a tremendous career.

— Perry Como

... she, that will with kittens jest, Should bear a kitten's joke.

— William Cowper