Be not affronted at a joke. If one throw salt at thee, thou wilt receive no harm, unless thou art raw. — Oliver Goldsmith Copy Share Image
Donald Trump has shown that he will essentially attack individuals, make Second Amendment jokes. — Reid Hoffman Copy Share Image
It must be a cruel joke of nature that people who are so bad for us, make us feel so good. — Harrison Daniel Copy Share Image
When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying saucers...and plates, pots, mugs... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
R2-D2 is like that, but I think because he doesn't speak actual words, his jokes don't land. It's really a hindrance. And… — Alan Tudyk Copy Share Image
No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't want to make compromises. I want my little silly jokes to be told with the correct punch line, and I'm… — Grant Hart Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be a helluva joke if all this were really burnt cork and you people were being tolerant for nuthin'? — Dick Gregory Copy Share Image
There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, This year, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. And please, don't mix those two… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you make people laugh or cry about little black marks on sheets of white paper, what is that but a practical… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
I feel like you can share as many jokes as you want to because no joke you do on Twitter is ever… — W. Kamau Bell Copy Share Image
I was always pretty broad. I've had a couple bad experiences. One time, I showed up late for a gig in Brooklyn… — Nick Swardson Copy Share Image
“Well, what, what new thing can they say to me that I don't know myself? And is that the point? The point… — Fyodor Dostoyevsky Copy Share Image
“What’s wrong?” Billy’s question had me looking up. My second-oldest brother was already dressed for work in his suit and tie. “And shouldn’t you be fishing with Hank?”… — Penny Reid Copy Share Image
On a spiritual level, on a place where you want to be a better human being and listen more, I try. I… — Jake Gyllenhaal Copy Share Image
When I worked with Chevy Chase, Michael Ritchie would say, "Just ad lib and try to break me up. Just insult me.… — Tim Matheson Copy Share Image
It happened: the first 9/11, it happened on September 11, 1973, in Chile. We did it. Was that interfering or hacking a… — Noam Chomsky Copy Share Image
And what if we’d been utterly open? Made jokes about the first wife? What if we’d been that kind of family? Well,… — Sue Miller Copy Share Image
I came across an old story of mine that I'd written a decade ago. The main joke of the story is that… — Alexander Weinstein Copy Share Image
There is not a racist bone in my dad's body. He doesn't even laugh at distasteful jokes. — Alan Wilson Copy Share Image
I never used to tell jokes on stage. Now I'm cutting up jokes all night long. — Robin Thicke Copy Share Image
One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Fat Chicks always talking bout sitting on somebody's Face… Bitch that's Attempted Murder! — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
If a red head guy works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Even the people who do great jokes, [it's] always coming out of a very real place. — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me. — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the BANKER says, If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Not all times jokes intended to make you laugh. Sometimes they intended to make you think. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny. — Philippe Falardeau Copy Share Image
![“Even the people who do great jokes, [it's] always coming out of a very real place.” quote by Brett Gelman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b4/brett-gelman-8521_comedy_even-the-people-who-do-great-jokes-it-s_755759.jpg)
