Joke Quotes · Page 36

When I tell a joke, I don't think about who's listening to it. I tell the jokes I think are funny.

— Lee Mack

He was saying that the end of the world wasn't an accident; it was a joke.

— Holly Black

Nothing reveals a man's character better than the kind of joke at which he takes offense.

— Georg C. Lichtenberg

To tell you the truth you are a giant whale turd... inside joke 5

— Candie

The funny thing about life is, it can change your worst problem into the funniest joke. It just needs time.

— Bernajoy Vaal

British politics, as the world knows, is a joke. Yet it's rarely funny.

— Anonymous

I make a joke that I'm the Internet curmudgeon, but 'wary' is a good way to put it.

— Bill Keller

If there's an intelligence behind the joke - - it's a good joke.

— Eric Andre

“To ask the master for a knife, or skillet, or any small convenience of the kind, would be answered with a kick,…

— Solomon Northup

Comedy is just to me, maybe it's a natural knack, if I can see where the joke is in the writing and…

— Matt LeBlanc

There are quite detailed rules with sitcom. When people can leave scenes, act structure, joke rhythm. You can't not have a straight…

— Bob Mortimer

Woody Allen - nobody has been a better joke teller than him - and even in his great films, it's always coming…

— Brett Gelman

I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the…

— Demetri Martin

I take a lot of pride in managing to be funny without having a victim at the end of my joke. I…

— Ross Mathews

I understand, a joke can fall flat, I can't always hit them out of the park and I can apologize when I…

— Dorit Kemsley

I've been in the industry for 15 years, and I knew all the pieces that needed to be included to make a…

— Butch Hartman

Brian Posehn went up at 4:45 in the morning. And he gets lost at a certain point. I don't know if we…

— B. J. Porter

Every comic will tell you that a lot of crowds play differently to different social commentary. Some people are really uptight about…

— Andrew Santino

Howard Stern gave me the best advice about Twitter and the N word. He said maybe onstage people get the intention behind…

— Lisa Lampanelli

There is a joke that I use all the time. I say it to my kids. I used to say it to…

— Stanley Tucci

I'm not making fun of it because I want to make fun of it. I'm making fun of it so I feel…

— Pete Davidson

If I scored 10 goals I got 10 euros, which meant a lot of candy! It was a little bit like for…

— Timo Werner

The joke about SAP has always been, it's making '50s German manufacturing methodology, implemented in 1960s software technology, delivered to 1970-style manufacturing…

— Marc Andreessen

I had one guy say, 'I watched your show and didn't agree with what you said.' And I'm like, 'It's a joke.…

— Carlos Mencia

“A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the…

— Anonymous

“many chimneys does Santa go down? A: Stacks! What was your favorite joke? Leave”

— Uncle Amon

I like people who I can occasionally have really deep conversations with, and at the same time joke around with them.

— Ritu

“That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs.”

— Kasey Collin P. Dumdum

“Joke: What did the seahorse say when the sand dollar landed on his back in the rip current? "Hi-yo Silver! Swim-away!" :)”

— Heather Wolf

What I love is getting a new joke, or a premise like a sketch idea or a movie idea. That's the best…

— Neal Brennan

An Englishman does not joke about such an important matter as a bet.

— Jules Verne

I loved the idea that I could write a joke and someone else would have to take the risk of performing it.

— Judd Apatow

“Don't worry, I won't bite. Well, at least not in the way you're afraid of." He chuckled at his own joke. -…

— Richelle Mead

I joke about it being a millstone, but it never hurts to have a name that sticks out.

— Zephyr Teachout

It was funny to hear that I'd slapped Bieber. I thought it was a joke. Then it blew up. I probably got…

— Blake Griffin

We joke a lot about how, in Hollywood, the writer is one step below the doormat. That's not self-loathing. That's true!

— Robert Ben Garant

A joke isn't yours. It's used and you don't know where it's been.

— Ricky Gervais

Humor is when the joke's on you but hits the other fellow first -- before it boomerangs.

— Langston Hughes

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.

— Carol Burnett

“I made a joke today, and I made it out of pennies. It was a very poor joke.”

— Jarod Kintz