Joke Quotes · Page 38

“Not me,” said Jimmy, trying to joke. “I don’t have a price.” Wrong, as usual.”

— Margaret Atwood

When I make a joke, nobody gets injured... when Congress makes a joke, it's the law.

— Will Rogers

If there's something tender going on like that, I can't make up a joke and put it on Twitter.

— Lucy Beaumont

Me and my friends used to joke about the fact that you don't see a Black man on a horse.

— Rege-Jean Page

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

— Mitch Hedberg

The fact is, the Middle East has been going crazy for 50, 60, 70 years. So it's not like, 'Oh, I need…

— Maz Jobrani

That awkward moment when all of your friends are laughing about a joke and you still don't get it.

— Anonymous

I'm not a yes person, whether it's about a tie choice or a joke.

— Sarah Huckabee Sanders

“Then the high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the…

— Patrick Rothfuss

Actors always ask their directors what their motivation is in this scene or that scene, so I've always had this joke where…

— Zoe Bell

“Homeschool doesn’t give you a get out of teenage jail free card. It just gives you fewer opportunities to become the butt…

— Kim Culbertson

The joke that I make is that there are instances on the TV series that happen to me, - except on Sex…

— Candace Bushnell

I've been in situations where, in the midst of really hardcore events in my life, I made some ridiculous off-color joke that…

— Samuel Witwer

“Is that another sort of joke?" asked the old man. "You've no excuse for being bored anywhere. When I was your age…

— Henry James

I keep trying to write the crowd-pleasing slavery joke and the crowd-pleasing reparations joke, but any time you mention slavery or reparations…

— W. Kamau Bell

I'm not allowed to make a joke. It is a bit unfair how I'm treated. I thought it was a joke. I…

— Andy Murray

“There was once a man named Joe... Joe was insecure because he had no ears. Joe couldn’t hear a goddamn peep. And…

— David Michael Miller

It's when I make a joke about Indian people and then a white person comes up to me and says, "That's wrong.…

— Brad Williams

Often, when you're in some of these writing rooms for... and the most restrictive is network television, right? They say, 'Wow, that's…

— Jay Chandrasekhar

“I don’t like seeing you hit.” “Well, to be quite honest, I don’t like being hit unless it’s by you.” As soon…

— Tammy Blackwell

I always make a joke about this but it's true; Conor can make a highlight video of training hard and like, 'Alright…

— Beneil Dariush

“You guys like to tell jokes and giggle and kid around, huh? Giggling like a bunch of young broads in a school…

— Quentin Tarantino

“Breeze chuckled. "He was completely insane, you know. The worse things got, the more he'd joke. I remember how chipper he was…

— Brandon Sanderson

“I am not a joke. I am not a riddle! I am not a bird or a cat or a penguin! I'm…

— Tom King

Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? oh wait never mind you'll never get it

— Anonymous

You can joke about anything. It just depends on your angle and the way you go about it.

— Richard Herring

I do like a joke too, in my own way, but I'm someone who likes to work away in peace.

— Douglas Costa

With comedic actors, you can write one joke or two jokes, sample dialogue, and they have the capacity to extrapolate.

— Sam Seder

Sometimes, IGNORANCE is much better than to respond at someone's nonsense JOKE.

— Ziel JL

Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke.

— Conan O'Brien

Is anything wrong, dear? the old joke went. No, why? You moved. Just don't move.

— Margaret Atwood

It's very gratifying sometimes to make yourself the butt of the joke because it bursts your bubble.

— John Bishop

“We seldom look up to the person; we usually look up to their persona.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

... she, that will with kittens jest, Should bear a kitten's joke.

— William Cowper

I learned how fast you can go from being an international hero to being a reference in a joke on a late…

— Michael Phelps

Me and the Rock do look a lot alike, and we're a similar build - that was a joke, by the way.

— Alex Wolff

When the joke is on you, your sense of humour gets a reality check.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can dissect a joke just as you can a frog. But it tends to die on you.

— E. B. White

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all.

— Muhammad Ali

We can't laugh again again on the same joke,then Y do we cry again again for the same problem pain

— Babloo