Joke Quotes · Page 39

There is a standard joke in the family. Probably we should go into selling second-hand shoes.

— Ferdinand Marcos

JOKE is invented to make you laugh. But sometimes it can be a good reason to make you fall in love. ¥

— Angelita Lim

We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt.

— Bobby Farrelly

I crack jokes all the time. Even when I have a fight, I will make a joke, and people will laugh.

— Nargis Fakhri

We need to get rid of the Federal Elections Commission. It's a joke. It doesn't enforce the law.

— Russ Feingold

(...) I don´t want a drink. I just want to know where am I? -You´re not in Kansas anymore!- Jake chuckled at…

— Alexandra Adornetto

“You have to be a sexologist: when I wish your fuckin' advice, I'll let you know.”

— Anonymous

One day I'll bring a biography of my life out and that will be the biggest joke I'll ever tell.

— James Buckley

When I was a little kid, I was chunky. My mother would always joke she would have to get me husky jeans…

— Harley Pasternak

“What's the difference between Darling Cruel, the wind, and a vacuum? A vacuum only sucks. The wind only blows. But Darling sucks,…

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

“You don’t think anyone with any intelligence will believe this chum of yours is a king? This infant? This halfwit? It’s a…

— Antal Szerb

I have done things politically, and I've been running a business at the same time, but I sort of joke that to…

— Craig Benson

The joke was that President Bush only declared war when Starbucks was hit. You can mess with the U.N. all you want,…

— Chris Kyle

I like to joke that if I had a dollar for everybody who slapped me on the back and said, 'Hey Jeb,…

— Jeb Bradley

It always bothered me when people would think the joke was that I was playing a woman. I never saw myself as…

— Cole Escola

I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldn't…

— Anthony Jeselnik

If someone in a work environment says a racist joke, I'm the kind of person who says, 'I'm sorry, I don't find…

— David Schwimmer

Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I…

— Bill Bailey

“I just think it's fortunate that Sir Isaac Newton didn't share the sense of humor of a member of the public, because…

— Stewart Lee

To this day, to this very day, except for television, I've never had a writer. Anything I've ever done on the stage,…

— Don Rickles

The incarnation is “a kind of vast joke whereby the Creator of the ends of the earth comes among us in diapers…

— Frederick Buechner

“It's all been a bad joke that just ran out of control. I got into food for fun but the business got…

— Paul Newman

Take care, Jeffy. I’ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don’t want to get…

— Jordan Sonnenblick

“Was she always that friendly?" I joke. "She saw Robert. At least I got that out of her." "Maybe she buried him…

— Travis Thrasher

Whenever we're on the red carpet, we look like competition winners. It's a joke.

— Dan Smith

Directing a television episode is no joke, and it's incredibly difficult and especially when you're acting in it as well.

— Brian J. Smith

I've never believed in or understood romantic love. Love at first sight was always a complete joke to me.

— Glennon Doyle Melton

I still love a well-crafted joke. Twitter's been great for that.

— Kyle Kinane

“A joke is never a joke if it is at the expense of another person's feelings”

— Heather Wolf

[Elbowing incident] was a joke but what I want to say now is that I'm a bit sad that everyone failed to…

— Seungri

I always joke deep down I'm really a teenage girl on the inside.

— John Searles

“Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“disclosure: (n.) when they finally tell us everything and nothing changes.”

— Sol Luckman

I typically start out almost every speech I give making some kind of joke about me being in a wheelchair.

— Greg Abbott

Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with.

— Jimmy Fallon

Sometimes when I'm performing, whenever my puppet cracks a joke, it actually makes me laugh.

— Darci Lynne Farmer

A joke bombing on stage doesn't bother me, especially if it's intended to bomb.

— Mick Foley

I joke around all the time, 'I'm Asian; I'm really good at math.'

— Brenda Song

It was my first time to visit mister biggis that is selling AKAMU(PARP) & MAIZE.

— Juniorjk

In a live show, the reaction to our jokes is instant. You know immediately whether the joke is working or not.

— Kiku Sharda