You do not respond to an attempt on your life with a slap on the hand. Or a joke. — Cinda Williams Chima Copy Share Image
I never wrote a joke in my life. I just get on stage and let it flow. — Eddie Griffin Copy Share Image
What smells of wee and goes in and out:a old person doing the hockey cockey — Paul Housbey Copy Share Image
“You are where your brain is but not where a front-page headline is.” — Santosh Kalwar Copy Share Image
You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline. — Cass McCombs Copy Share Image
You only get one chance at life, not two! Don't joke around with your own life. — Dohee Copy Share Image
“Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Women always think that I'm Chandler, so if I don't joke around for half an hour, they think that something's wrong. Then… — Matthew Perry Copy Share Image
I think, in a film that's supposed to last an hour and a half, I think you have to really pay attention… — Jay Chandrasekhar Copy Share Image
There's a joke that I do where I make fun of myself for being bow-legged, and I compare myself to a camel… — Anjelah Johnson Copy Share Image
When I was younger, I used humour as a tool to avoid getting too serious with people - if there was deep… — Matthew Perry Copy Share Image
I did so many open mics. I would write jokes on Twitter constantly, and then slowly, over time, open mics turned into… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
It's easier not to make a particular joke in case it offends. But every joke will offend someone, and I've always believed… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
Sometimes I know a joke I'm going to yell out ahead of time, but most of the time it's stream of conscious.… — Adam McKay Copy Share Image
Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's… — Singkit Copy Share Image
The quality of life of European cities and towns of almost any size make life in America look not just like a… — James Howard Kunstler Copy Share Image
There are definitely evergreen things that I'll always find funny. But in general, whenever I fall in love with something or find… — Ayo Edebiri Copy Share Image
My specialty at 'SNL' was doing triage. There was always a great need for someone to say, 'Make this funnier. Give me… — Paula Pell Copy Share Image
What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously — but you don't. It… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
There's a joke about the balloon boy who has a balloon mum and a balloon dad and he goes to a balloon… — Gabrielle Williams Copy Share Image
“I'm going out with Colin Osgood today, and he's meeting me here. If you start making kissy noises, I will strip you… — Sarah Addison Allen Copy Share Image
A guy goes to a local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, and isnt fully… — Theophilus Copy Share Image
There is a painful joke that Europeans often tell of their Gallic neighbors: God created France, the most beautiful country in the… — Janine di Giovanni Copy Share Image
As you can tell from watching the show, I'm not a strong joke writer per se. — Janeane Garofalo Copy Share Image
You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Some people will go for the quick joke and not pay attention to the consequences. — John Ross Bowie Copy Share Image
“We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it. — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
I could become like that dyslexic agnostic in the old joke - the one who lies in bed and tries to figure… — Anne Lamott Copy Share Image
When I become the village idiot, or at least, it starts to become a joke, you can't do that much longer. — Joan Van Ark Copy Share Image
It's hard talking about acting, in a way, because it's like explaining a joke: I do think it loses something in the… — Martin Freeman Copy Share Image
“It is, and has been, and will forever be, this world of ours, a fucking joke.” — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
There is a standing joke in my family that I was born with a ladle in my hand. — Maneet Chauhan Copy Share Image
When we can't laugh again and again on the same joke... there's no point crying again and again for the same pain. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I know a way you could speak to your wife. Just wait 'till she's asleep and she'll listen to you without even… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Technically, you passed out under me,” Cole smiles at his own joke.” — Kristin R. Campbell Copy Share Image
At the shock of a joke, everything disappears but the present moment. — Russell Simmons Copy Share Image
