“Technically, you passed out under me,” Cole smiles at his own joke.” — Kristin R. Campbell Copy Share Image
At the shock of a joke, everything disappears but the present moment. — Russell Simmons Copy Share Image
I could become like that dyslexic agnostic in the old joke - the one who lies in bed and tries to figure… — Anne Lamott Copy Share Image
When I become the village idiot, or at least, it starts to become a joke, you can't do that much longer. — Joan Van Ark Copy Share Image
“Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
As you can tell from watching the show, I'm not a strong joke writer per se. — Janeane Garofalo Copy Share Image
My friends are people who like building cool stuff. We always have this joke about people who want to just start companies… — Mark Zuckerberg Copy Share Image
Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke,… — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
“Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
When you become fluent with language, it means you can write an entry in your journal or tell a joke to someone… — Mitchel Resnick Copy Share Image
I joke to people in the press that I realize I'm not black, I'm actually white. But I've got these roots in… — Glenn Hughes Copy Share Image
People talk, 'Oh your father's a misogynist, look what he said about women,' like, on 'Howard Stern.' When he gets with Howard… — Donald Trump, Jr Copy Share Image
The joke I wanted to put into one of the promos for this new season, was to have a guy come up… — Tony Danza Copy Share Image
“He wrote, You're being crazy. You're going to catch a cold. I already have a cold. You are going to catch a… — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
With the stand-up comic on TV, whether it's Seinfeld or Cosby or Roseanne, more important than their knowledge of how to tell… — Bob Newhart Copy Share Image
I joke that I've always had this sort of insatiable 'big sis' complex - which is odd given that I am the… — Elaine Welteroth Copy Share Image
I was at a photo shoot, and I was wearing a cross necklace that my mom bought me, and somebody made a… — Kate Upton Copy Share Image
We often joke about men moaning about being ill, whether it's man flu or anything else. We want them to be silent… — Matt Haig Copy Share Image
The fine line between roaring with laughter and crying because it's a disaster is a very, very fine line. You see a… — Roald Dahl Copy Share Image
“You've got to face facts and the fact is life is a joke, a fucking bad joke, or, no, a bad fucking… — Jeet Thayil Copy Share Image
Is there any other way to Erudite headquarters?" I say. "Not that I now of," says Cara. "Unless you want to jump… — Veronica Roth Copy Share Image
“However, a good laugh is a mighty good thing, and rather too scarce a good thing; the more's the pity. So, if… — Herman Melville Copy Share Image
You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Some people will go for the quick joke and not pay attention to the consequences. — John Ross Bowie Copy Share Image
“We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it. — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
You do not respond to an attempt on your life with a slap on the hand. Or a joke. — Cinda Williams Chima Copy Share Image
I never wrote a joke in my life. I just get on stage and let it flow. — Eddie Griffin Copy Share Image
“You are where your brain is but not where a front-page headline is.” — Santosh Kalwar Copy Share Image
What smells of wee and goes in and out:a old person doing the hockey cockey — Paul Housbey Copy Share Image
You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline. — Cass McCombs Copy Share Image
You only get one chance at life, not two! Don't joke around with your own life. — Dohee Copy Share Image
“In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke.” — Hermann Hesse Copy Share Image
My first joke was about a company called Five Star Parking that was all over Philadelphia: 'Who's reviewing parking lots?' — Adam McKay Copy Share Image
“Hey, do you mind not squeezing my head off. I remember how powerful those thighs are.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It's unpleasantly like being drunk." "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "You ask a glass of water.” — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
Art should be serious, not a joke. I don't like to laugh about art. — Gerhard Richter Copy Share Image
