Joke Quotes · Page 32

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

— George Orwell

I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.

— Elayne Boosler

I am so happy that I married a comedy writer. He's never not without a joke. No matter where we are.

— Christa Miller

Tell me that I misunderstood a joke, but don't tell me that my choice of cravat is wrong.

— David Niven

Humor can bring people under the tent. And a good joke can deflect some of the intensity surrounding a serious subject.

— Ted Danson

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

— Rita Rudner

Not all times jokes intended to make you laugh. Sometimes they intended to make you think.

— Anonymous

Before you joke someone,make sure he's not in a bad mood.. If so,make sure your joke would not hurt him even more..

— Sachithra

I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every…

— Bill Burr

It's a bit of a joke among my friends that, although I'm very busy, active and constantly rushing around all over the…

— Kate Garraway

On stage you look much larger than you are. You can have subtle changes of timing; how you place a punch line…

— Sylvester McCoy

“Well, you better look out. They got a new bureau in the guvamint files. It’s called U.W. Stands for Useless Wimmen. Tha’s…

— Tennessee Williams

“A joke is a witticism or play on words that’s meant to be funny. I say ‘meant to be’ because most jokes…

— Michael Monroe

“Spring me from this role I play of the smothered son in the Jewish joke! Because it's beginning to pall a little…

— Philip Roth

Women don't have a sense of humor. They don't need one. The Almighty made them as a permanent joke on men. From…

— Loretta Chase

“Jason wasn't sure what to expect at the end--a dungeon, a mad scientist’s lab, or maybe a sewer reservoir where all Porta-Potty…

— Rick Riordan

“I’m relieved to see that even brilliant physicists make mistakes.” Kohler looked over. “What do you mean?” “Whoever wrote that note made…

— Dan Brown

Death seems to be a long way off. Is this not shallow thinking? It is worthless and is only a joke within…

— Yamamoto Tsunetomo

Someone said to me at a party once, 'Oh, yeah, you're a comedian? Then how come you're not funny now?' And I…

— Mike Birbiglia

I've said things that, now, I wish I hadn't said because times have changed and like the me of 15-20 years ago…

— Paul F. Tompkins

My mum had four kids on her own, so if I had one kid with one nanny and not a full-time job,…

— Abbey Clancy

“Is that how tall you are without those ridiculous shoes?' he said derisively. I think I was born bigger than that.' 'I…

— Josephine Angelini

I guess I've kind of recognized what my worth is and what my specific brand of humor is. And that's not necessarily…

— Dave Franco

[There's] a joke that I've done forever: 'Nowadays they say that the largest majority of people will be Latino and you'll tell…

— George Lopez

“What do we do now?” Adam asked. “Get a doghouse. Damn. You’re right. I really can’t think of another joke.”

— Maggie Stiefvater

“It's all a mere mistake and a worry and a joke—and we'll go home as fast as we can!”

— Henry James

“My old man taught me to never trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn't die.”

— Tommy Tran

That's just what friends do in general. You have to be able to joke around with each other.

— Nikola Vucevic

My father was always clowning around. It was a huge influence on me. In my family, everything is turned into a joke.

— Ben Miller

If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.

— Jimmy Nail

Ten comics can say the same joke, and I'm the one who gets called a thief.

— Carlos Mencia

The funniest thing in class is when the teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.

— Enhance Dreams

I mean, this is a joke, to try to implicate me as like a friend of the Russians.

— Jill Stein

I joke that I'm in the market for a cabin in the woods, and, at some point, I won't be joking anymore.

— Kasie Hunt

Be not affronted at a joke. If one throw salt at thee, thou wilt receive no harm, unless thou art raw.

— Oliver Goldsmith

I think Noah Hawley's writing is hilarious, and I love a good dark joke.

— Carrie Coon

A lot of women say, 'I look good thanks to magic creams,' but that's a joke.

— Brigitte Nielsen

To be perfectly honest with you, I think that The Darkness is a joke, and that's, unfortunately, exactly what the world wants.

— David Draiman

That moment when you tell a joke but no one hears you except one person who repeats it louder and makes everyone…

— The Blog That Describe Your Life

I mean, I've had stuff done with my ribs before, cartilage separated, broken stuff. It's no joke, man. It just sucks.

— Chad Mendes