I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was. — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career. — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer. — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know --… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
If you're from New York and you're Catholic, you're still Jewish. If you're from Butte Montana and you're Jewish, you're still goyisch.… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
Dig: I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's goyish. B'nai B'rith is goyish; Hadassah, Jewish. If you live… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission. — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky! — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
Never tell. Not if you love your wife...In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
The thing with Catholicism, the same as all religions, is that it teaches what should be, which seems rather incorrect. This is… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous,… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
I would be with a bunch of Kennedy fans watching the debate, and their comment would be, 'He's really slaughtering Nixon.' Then we would… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
If you're from New York and you're Catholic, you're still Jewish. If you're from Butte Montana and you're Jewish, you're still goyisch. The Air… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days. — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
Dig: I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's goyish. B'nai B'rith is goyish; Hadassah, Jewish. If you live in New… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to… — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
“Take away the right to say ‘fuck’ and you take away the right to say ‘fuck the government.” — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
