I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I don't have a lot of recreation time. I've always been under the assumption that if you're selling tickets you need to… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
THE ONLY GOOD THING IS MY FANS LIKE ME AND COME TO SEE ME AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. EVERYBODY ELSE CAN… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I have thick skin. I'm not a baby. Nothing really offends me. If there's something I think might offend me, I don't… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
If guns kill people, I can blame misspelled words on my pencil. — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I've always thought if you don't like what somebody says, don't hang out with that person. Why do you have to complain… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
Living in a small town you couldn't go anywhere on a Saturday where a store had the game on. If you were… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I enjoy hunting, but if I had my choice to go deer hunting or bass fishing, I'd take bass fishing any day… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
Its nice if people can finally loosen up a little bit and just go out laugh at silliness. I mean, people take… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I hate flying. I'm not a big fan of flying at all so everywhere I go I go by tour bus. If… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
When you're doing comedy, it is so subjective. What is funny to you is not funny to another person. What is dirty to you… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
People always ask my mom what I did as a kid. My mom says, "He wasn't a bad kid. He was never an unruly… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars." — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man,… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I've been down in Florida since 1979. When you're born in Nebraska you really can't explain it. — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I've been fortunate, I've been blessed, and I attribute my success to all my fans. People want to do things with you when you… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
As a comedian, I don't know if they're laughing because it's funny or if they're laughing at me because I'm not funny. And I'm… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I LOVE WAL-MART. I CONSIDER MY JOKES TO BE VERY JEUVINILLE. STUFF A 14 YEAR OLD WOULD LAUGH AT BECAUSE THATS THE SENCE OF… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I was born and raised in Pawnee City, Nebraska. I lived right next to the sale barn and I raised pigs. My dad was… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
What I do onstage, there's maybe .0001 percent of the population that acts like that. I talk like that because it makes me laugh,… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I was scared into being good. But I'm sure I did regular kid stuff. — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
