I don't have a lot of recreation time. I've always been under the assumption that if you're selling tickets you need to… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I just developed my act way back in the late '80s. I went to college in Georgia, so I picked up the… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I pretty much live on my tour bus.I do well around 300 shows a year. A lot of times I will do… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I don't really get to see a lot of other comedians, because I work with the same people all the time. The… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I split time between Nebraska and Florida. I'll come to Nebraska in the summertime and stay through Thanksgiving and then I go… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
There's nothing better than a Nebraska summer so I wanted to live there in the summer time and visit my family and… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I'm always wearing a Nebraska hat. Most of the time I'm wearing something that's got a Husker something on it. I make… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
When you're doing comedy, it is so subjective. What is funny to you is not funny to another person. What is dirty to you… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
People always ask my mom what I did as a kid. My mom says, "He wasn't a bad kid. He was never an unruly… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars." — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man,… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I've been down in Florida since 1979. When you're born in Nebraska you really can't explain it. — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I've been fortunate, I've been blessed, and I attribute my success to all my fans. People want to do things with you when you… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
As a comedian, I don't know if they're laughing because it's funny or if they're laughing at me because I'm not funny. And I'm… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I LOVE WAL-MART. I CONSIDER MY JOKES TO BE VERY JEUVINILLE. STUFF A 14 YEAR OLD WOULD LAUGH AT BECAUSE THATS THE SENCE OF… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I was born and raised in Pawnee City, Nebraska. I lived right next to the sale barn and I raised pigs. My dad was… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
What I do onstage, there's maybe .0001 percent of the population that acts like that. I talk like that because it makes me laugh,… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
I was scared into being good. But I'm sure I did regular kid stuff. — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
