Humour Quotes · Page 45

“He leans back against the starting gate like he's in a hammock in the Caribbean...”

— Secretariat

“Cheese!" I exclaimed. It was a secret prayer, whose meaning was known only to God and to me.”

— Alan Bradley

I guess my sense of humour leans more towards irony and tongue-in-cheek performance.

— Eliza Scanlen

I thought I had more of a European sense of humour than the average American comic.

— Bo Burnham

My opponent left a glass of whisky 'en prise' and I took it 'en passant'.

— Joseph Henry Blackburne

“In Rome there is a pathological shortage of small coins. For change, the little shops tend to use candy.”

— Dorothy Dunnett

“Dresses won't worn out in the wardrobe, but that is not what dresses are designed for.”

— Amit Kalantri

“To write your dreams of fantasy, is to create fantasy in another's dreams”

— Rob Shepherd

“Gabe says you make a mean chicken." Finn, who is sitting by the fireplace making smoke, comments for the first time. "Well,…

— Maggie Stiefvater

“Being HIV positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to die before each and every person who is HIV negative.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go…

— Jenny Han

“(Even the teachers noticed. Mr. Diaz walked past my locker when Finn was there and said, "For the love of all that…

— Laurie Halse Anderson

“Miss Runcible wore trousers and Miles touched up his eye-lashes in the dining-room of the hotel where they stopped for luncheon. So…

— Evelyn Waugh

“So you're a fellow mercenary, then." "Does this mean you'll afford me some professional courtesy?" "Don't ask for that. All it means…

— Howard Tayler

“You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It Doesn't Matter How Hard Or Bad Ass You Are... When A Toddler Hands You Their Ringing Toy Cell Phone, You'll Still…

— Pacifiersucker

“The French expression 'cul-de-sac' describes what the Baudelaire orphans found when they reached the end of the dark hallway, and like all…

— Lemony Snicket

“Keep a line of retreat,’ Warwick ordered. To his disgust, his voice trembled and he cleared his throat loudly before going on…

— Conn Iggulden

The establishment will irritate you - pull your beard, flick your face - to make you fight. Because once they've got you…

— John Lennon

“Colonel Cathcart is our commanding officer and we must obey him. Why don't you fly four more missions and see what happens?"…

— Joseph Heller

“New becomes stale and old becomes fresh. The impractical, ageing estate long ago left behind to Singapore's pioneers and their homemade tofu…

— Neil Humphreys

“The West Sister Dating Rules were clear on the matter of apologies. On the evolutionary scale of dating, a guy who apologized…

— Alex Gabriel

“The last time Ranulf had run into Sulien, the older man had called him a misbegotten English Judas and spat onto the…

— Sharon Kay Penman

“Try not to move around too much so you don't bleed again. The bandages aren't that thick and blood will soak through…

— Susan ee

“In my book, water was only good for one thing...when I remember what that is, I'll let you know.”

— Anonymous

“I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way.”

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

“Walking the plank is a Victorian fiction, and I will not have it on my ship!”

— George MacDonald Fraser

I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour.

— Nancy Springer

“Are you saying that the Rebel Alliance were religious terrorists and Yoda was a benefit cheat?”

— Dave Turner

“Peyton, I’m not married and you’re not a lesbian. Think of the possibilities.”

— Robyn Carr

“ Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards , I thought. For they are soggy and hard to light. ”

— Ben Aaronovitch

“The average adult has had sex innumerable times more than they have formed an opinion of their own.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Humour can always be found in a place where there's fearlessness.

— Vivek

Where I come from people are very deadpan with a dry humour that I suppose rubbed off on me.

— Ardal O'Hanlon

Horses are calmer people. They also don't throw things at cats.

— Anonymous

“What the hell was she doing on the nonhostage side of a handgun?”

— Suzanne Brockmann

“Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.”

— Niels Bohr

“It is said "Barking dogs seldom bite"…Unfortunately many dogs do not know this proverb!”

— Ankala Subbarao

“Life is really very fantastic, and one has to have a peculiar sense of humour to see the fun of it.”

— W. Somerset Maugham

Life is really very fantastic, and one has to have a peculiar sense of humour to see the fun of it. [Virtue]

— W. Somerset Maugham