“Tell me you spotted a condom tree over to the right by the stream of lube.” — Jane Davitt Copy Share Image
“In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“It is meant to be survival of the fittest, not survival of the most floral.” — Stephen Herfst Copy Share Image
“The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millett's” — Half Man Half Biscuit Copy Share Image
“I think if Jeremy Corbyn got a cloak, he'd make a very good Gandalf.” — Henry Miller Copy Share Image
“A game?’ Rob spluttered. ‘A bloody game?’ He turned to face his father. ‘This is your bloody fault! I’m living your bloody… — Dougie Brimson Copy Share Image
“We’re adults. I might be a little more of an adult if you’re counting years but I bet I have a lower… — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
“I think that people's sexual preferences are a legitimate subject for humour, dirty humour if at all possible.” — Christopher Hitchens Copy Share Image
“In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
We owe to one another all the wit and good humour we can command; and nothing so clears our mental vistas as… — Agnes Repplier Copy Share Image
“I can recall quite clearly the journey from Omaha to San Francisco which I made with the opera troupe; God had created… — Peter Ackroyd Copy Share Image
Memmius would only be useless to him for a short time, but that he would remain useless to himself and the Republic… — Scipio Africanus Copy Share Image
Hundreds of hysterical persons must confuse these phenomena with messages from the beyond and take their glory to the bishop rather than… — James Thurber Copy Share Image
“Much has been written on the excellence of bats' navigation equipment. It is all false. Tropical bats spend their entire time flying… — Nigel Barley Copy Share Image
“Ought a woman to disclose her frailties earlier than the wedding day? Few husbands, I assure you, make the discovery in such… — Nathaniel Hawthorne Copy Share Image
“Oh, those hateful sods will never make it to Heaven. They’re all on an express elevator to the gay spit-roast dungeon in… — Michael Logan Copy Share Image
Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“More polar bears live in Canada than in the rest of the world combined, which raises the question, Why the hell did… — Will Ferguson Copy Share Image
“Most aren't trying to kill you, unfortunately. They're trying to bed you, mistress." "Why?" "Probably because of the prophecy," said Nandi. "Prophecy,"… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
“Punching - 2 shillings Both eyes blacked - 4 shillings Nose and jaw broke - 10 shillings Jacked out (knocked out with… — Eoin Colfer Copy Share Image
“Is there anything in your life trying to slip off? Is your health threatening to leave you? Is your joy threatening to… — Patience Johnson Copy Share Image
“Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you.” — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
We've had a day of great drama and of humour too. The rumour mill is now taking over — Andy Burnham Copy Share Image
“tall heavily-armed Jacky, beautiful elegant Ozma, and the little girl with the big sword. Dammit” — Marion G. Harmon Copy Share Image
“You dress her in a wet T-shirt and make her carry the bags? Damn, Cade, I like how you roll" - Rok” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
“A life is like a book of many chapters and topics. Which Chapter are is your life?” — Elizabeth Adeniyi Copy Share Image
So many things that happen to you are so dreadful, it's important to have a sense of humour. — Debbie Reynolds Copy Share Image
Please go on, make your threats. I don't like to submit to mere implication. — Marcus Tullius Cicero Copy Share Image
“Only men with intelligence, confidence and absolutely no empathy at all can progress upstairs.” — Carla H Krueger Copy Share Image
I have a very good sense of humour. I love telling jokes, especially on the golf course. — Engelbert Humperdinck Copy Share Image
“The secret to my success is the love & support of a good bar of chocolate” — Ray Daley Copy Share Image
“All of my favourite quotes to live by are in my book, I wrote it for a reason” — Blake Joy Copy Share Image
“YOU KNOW WHEN YOU SAID THAT SEEING ME GAVE YOU QUITE A START?" "Yes?" "I GAVE YOU QUITE A STOP.” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
