“I welcome reviews from all readers. I take criticism well; but please . . . no comments on my author face!” — C.C. Alma Copy Share Image
“If you were an animal, what would you be?" I wrote, "A bumblebee trying to fuck a marble.” — Wells Tower Copy Share Image
“One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.” — Joyce Rachelle Copy Share Image
The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't. — Ernest Rutherford Copy Share Image
Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function. — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
“Damn it, I should be the only one allowed to drool over him. I found him first! Or something not as stupid.” — Nicole Christie Copy Share Image
“Trojan is a terrible name for a brand of condom. Why name it after something that, after penetrating the wall, broke open… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“Kools never did get along with partners. He once stabbed a fella over whose turn it was to drive. Kools says I… — David Wong Copy Share Image
Possibly the only thing we Notekillers place on a higher pedestal than music is laughs, so, of course, we also know that… — David First Copy Share Image
I want to be one of those people who does yoga & eats berries for breakfast, but I'm one of those people… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
We are told that Sin consists in acting contrary to God's commands, but we are also told that God is omnipotent. If… — Bertrand Russell Copy Share Image
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a… — Samuel Foote Copy Share Image
“Look, I wanted to mention something to you," I said. Play it off as casual. Play it off as no big deal.… — Christina Lauren Copy Share Image
Not every story lends itself tonally to humor, so you have to navigate that territory properly. You can put a humorous spin… — Kevin Keck Copy Share Image
“Mummy can we keep him?" Madeleine asked with the wide eyes of a burgeoning crush. "Darling, little boys make terrible pets," Mrs.… — Gitty Daneshvari Copy Share Image
“People don't tend to employ me. I'm the wrong personality type. Or rather, people do tend to employ me for a short… — Marian Keyes Copy Share Image
“...Do you need a hug?” Payton asked with a smile. Ryann chuckled as Payton walked around the kitchen cabinet and held open… — Robin Alexander Copy Share Image
“He has me pinned on my back in record time, his mouth crashing against mine as we frantically devour one another. “Awesome… — Siobhan Davis Copy Share Image
