“From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?" "First I need a virgin.” — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The persons hardest to convince that they're at the retirement age are children at bedtime. — Shannon Fife Copy Share Image
Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to a mom who didn't intentionally get knocked up to be on MTV. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't mind flying. I always pass out before the plane leaves the ground. — Naomi Campbell Copy Share Image
“Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
“When I was born, I was almost fourteen years old. That's why I was able to understand more easily than most what… — Eugene Ionesco Copy Share Image
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
The last time I checked, the Constitution said, 'of the people, by the people and for the people.' That's what the Declaration… — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
“Josh is the company tech expert, which means we all think he’s a little bit shaman, a little bit magician, and mostly… — Julia Kent Copy Share Image
“We're going to the Underworld," Izzy said. She bounced a little as she said it, her eyes bright and her tone implying… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by… — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
Our civilization has decided that determining the guilt or innocence of men is a thing too important to be trusted to trained… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
“Ruric clung to me and shouted, "Your father." Looking down below I saw my father running after us, several alarmed guards trailing… — Sunny Copy Share Image
In New York we have streets exploding and innocent Buddhist girls being stabbed in the neck and cabdrivers refusing to help her.… — Cynthia Heimel Copy Share Image
I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“My dear Reaper," Vlad said, still laughing. 'Did you just check out our-' 'No!' I interrupted at once, almost lunging toward the… — Jeaniene Frost Copy Share Image
“He (Lincoln) differed from fanatical moralists primarily in that he was always perplexed. No sooner did he believe he was doing God's… — Elton Trueblood Copy Share Image
“Most sane human beings who have managed to attain and retain fame each uses it to dramatically increase their name’s chances of… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
