Humor Quotes · Page 467

“Did you know that if Barbie was a real woman with those proportions, she'd have to carry her kidneys in her purse?”

— Lani Diane Rich

Just a reminder of MARRIAGE: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master. .

— Ritu Ghatourey

There is, I think, humor here which does not translate well from English into sanity.

— Jim Butcher

“But it is cute. It's such a boy thing to do. Drop dead. Aw, you say the most romantic things.”

— Eliezer Yudkowsky

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

— Steven Wright

If you've recently followed me under the impression that I might tweet something funny, I've got some bad news for you...

— Anonymous

My greatest fear is coming home one day and discovering that the slim and sexy woman I married has become fat and…

— MO'Zee

Being a comedy writer gives you permission to be an outsider and poke fun at what people think about other people.

— Michael Patrick King

“He had intended his address to be somewhat more comprehensive than this but was forced to cut it short, having been stabbed…

— Robert Kroese

I find that people find a way out of misery through humor and it's humor that's often unacceptable to people who are…

— Danny Boyle

“I cannot guarantee my attendance tomorrow morning," Merribeth said in all seriousness. "I distinctly heard my coverlet and pillow conspiring to hold…

— Vivienne Lorret

I can relate to someone whose life is falling apart, and they are doing the best to get by, using humor to…

— Rainn Wilson

Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I…

— Henny Youngman

“Hhhmm. A sense of humor.” He cocked his head to the side. “That actually might annoy me.” She frowned, ignoring the teasing…

— G.A. Aiken

“Just a cat! Just a cat! I am the stealer of breaths, the walker of shadows, the keeper of nine lives.” —the…

— Richard Due

“Not at all," said Dorothea, with the most open kindness. "I like you very much." Will was not quite contented, thinking that…

— George Eliot

I grew up fascinated with comedy and with people who could capture someone's attention.

— Wendi McLendon-Covey

Part of my defence mechanism is humour, so sometimes when I'm being funny, it's just as a way of stopping people from…

— Simon Amstell

I didn't know anything about acting, much less about acting in a comedy.

— Desi Arnaz

I never get tired of looking at your face. I always long for your sweet embrace.

— Joanne Lobedica

“If you only attract Mr. Wrong or Ms. Crazy, evaluate the common thread in this diversity of people: YOU!”

— Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.

— Will Rogers

People have always asked, 'Do you prefer comedy or drama?' And my answer is, 'Both, at the same time.'

— Connie Britton

Laughter is wholesome. God is not so dull as some people make out. Did not He make the kitten to chase its…

— Heinrich Heine

If I have to swim an ocean just to get you, of course I'd rather watch Phineas and Ferb.

— Ohteenstories

“Well, I don't know, Lina. But let's just say I've met a lot of dead people.”

— Ruta Sepetys

“Freedom from likes and dislikes, the sudden sense of identification, the spirit of comedy.”

— John Cage

I am very good at comedy off screen. I wish I could translate it so that you could get to see how…

— Dimple Kapadia

I was 8, and I was probably too young for it, but that's when I started to watch SNL.' That's when I…

— Bowen Yang

“Behind every sucessful boy there is a woman call his MOTHER and behind every unsuscessful boy there is a girl call his…

— Shaquib Wasif

“Me?" Penny's voice, surprised. "Well, I'm Penny Ngwenya, Matthew's butt-kicking, life-saving, totally awesome apprentice. Um. Hi.”

— Kate Griffin

“It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore.”

— James Hetfield

The New Zealand sense of humor is tough and realistic. Jokes are not surreal; they are about life and death and tough…

— Anthony McCarten

“The earth rests on three whales: On the deeds of heroes. On the prayers of believers. On the toasts of drunkards.”

— Anonymous

One Catwoman in the world! It's amazing because you have to have a sense of humour, it's a must.

— Jocelyn Wildenstein

Most of what's tricky about comedy is the perception of it and the audience's expectation.

— Adam McKay

I, sort of, got into comedy accidentally, and it got bigger than I wanted it to.

— Albert Brooks

“What am I going to do with all these bodies?" Said Jimmy, just a bit plaintively."I can't keep them, I don't have…

— Simon R. Green

I was like the funny guy in sixth form. When we used to do showcases, I'd host them, and I would do,…

— Michael Dapaah

Stand-up and comedy is the place where we are supposed to be able to make fun of all of the world's ills.

— Tracy Morgan