Humor Quotes · Page 469

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house...

— Daniel Tosh

“I recommend we don’t open this until Scotland or the bloody thing will projectile vomit all over the motorway.”

— Lyn Gardner

“If you like pray like a praying mantis or fast like a faxing machine, if you have no faith, you are just…

— Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha

I have always had huge respect for comedians/comediennes. It's because comedy is very hard to portray.

— Samantha Akkineni

“I have found that in this business, one of the most important things is sincerity. If you can fake that, you can…

— Kinky Friedman

“Sometimes "i" just like to talk to "myself" to see if i'm fine ,it turns out we "both" have the same problem.”

— Mohieddine Cheouichi

Happiness is gentleness, peace, concentration, simplicity, forgiveness, humor, fearlessness, trust, and now.

— Hugh Prather

My favorite comedians are just presenting an argument, and they're doing it in a funny way.

— Hasan Minhaj

I'm going to try really hard not to be bossy, but I've only done stand-up comedy and then my own show where…

— Rosie O'Donnell

I've always felt that acting is acting, at the end of the day, so whether you're doing comedy or heavy drama or…

— Benjamin Bratt

“First rule of thievery,' Eli said, grinning, 'only run if you're not coming back.' (...) 'First rule of thievery, never use the…

— Rachel Aaron

“On the Rolling Stones - You will walk out of the Amphitheatre after watching the Stones perform and suddenly the Chicago stockyards…

— Tom Fitzpatrick

In some sort of crude sense, which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin; and…

— J. Robert Oppenheimer

“Jack fell to his knees on the bench, his eyes rolling back in ecstasy a he clutched both hands to his heart.…

— Kiersten White

I get the feeling that my songs aren't that dark. There is a cynicism but humour also - it's not depression upon…

— Stromae

“We already have the Wooden Pillar, the Steel Pillar and the Plastic Pillar. In a moment we will have the Golden Bail…'…

— Douglas Adams

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.

— George Herbert

“We’re only five years apart,” I said defiantly. “If you look at some of those dysfunctional vampyre relationships, we’re near normal.”

— Heather Heffner

“Art boy is obviously intimidated. You're like the sun and he's squinting up at you, barely able to see because of your…

— Jody Gehrman

Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Too much comedy today is vulgar, not clever. I say that as a comedian and as a consumer.

— Mort Sahl

I hate it when people come to comedy shows thinking it's going to be simply all about laughing at jokes.

— Deon Cole

I think bands, when they're on the road, they keep their sanity by developing an internal sense of humor.

— Ric Ocasek

Once you see the effect on the other person, your joke is no longer funny.

— Meg

“To do is to be – Aristotle To be or not to be – Shakespeare To be is to do – Jean-Paul…

— Alannah Foley

The Internet is a great place to find unconventional comedy that you can't find anywhere else.

— Andy Dick

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion,…

— Jeremy Clarkson

“And that’s how you go on. You lay laughter over the dark parts. The more dark parts, the more you have to…

— Laini Taylor

Renko has just about had it. Pretty soon somebody will come out of the dugout with a fork and get him.

— Jerry Coleman

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house,…

— Steven Wright

Ones again, someone my innocent childhood should return from me again. I am forget laughter was filled with negligence

— Mak_786

When I did comedy I made fun of myself. If there was a buffoon, I played the buffoon.

— Sid Caesar

My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's…

— Dave Attell

When someone is laughing so much and it sounds so funny you laugh at their laugh.

— Anonymous

We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

— Abraham Lincoln

I love every single genre from documentaries, horror, comedy, drama, '80s, classic, I have it all.

— Lydia Hearst

I think as far as the action genre goes, I like when it has a sense of humor. I'm a Jane Austen/Jane…

— Maggie Grace

I was a timid little guy when I was a kid. I used humor as a defense; I became the class clown.…

— Mike Huckabee

I decided to do a comedy. It's a good mind-set to go into work and be happy every day instead of being…

— Mila Kunis

“He believed he was dead and used to rage at his wife because she wouldn't bury him. I'd a-done it.”

— L.M. Montgomery