Humor Quotes · Page 468

The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death.

— Kurt Vonnegut

I've been trying to bust into the comedy business my whole life. It's hard in Hollywood to do different things. I know…

— Luke Wilson

The main thing about doing a comedy is that you spend most of your days really happy and laughing.

— Chris Messina

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

— Tommy Cooper

“Zip it kiddo. Don't ever admit you know a thing about cooking or it'll be used against you later in life.”

— Rebecca Wells

Sometimes I find I'm wearing a divided, split brain in terms of drama and humor.

— Ridley Scott

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.

— Jean Houston

“...true success and prosperity comes when you are right where God wants you to be, doing what He wants you to do.”

— Melanie Shankle

I remember a humorous episode from Bill Clinton's presidency in which his advisers prevailed upon him, one summer before his re-election campaign,…

— Steve Bullock

“The story was so thoroughly believed that a Springfield, Massachusetts, missionary society resolved to send missionaries to the moon to convert and…

— Cracked.com

“Some day perhaps our time will be known as the age of irony. Not the witty irony of the eighteenth century, but…

— Erich Maria Remarque

“[On Dr. Strangelove ]: My idea of doing it as a nightmare comedy came in the early weeks of working on the…

— Stanley Kubrick

“Twenty-seven.” His brow puckered, and he blinked over at her. “Twenty-seven hundred years, right?” If he were speaking to Taliyah, yes. “No.…

— Gena Showalter

“Sure, there is an undeniable pleasure in rooting for a winning team and in being able to look down on opposing fans…

— Jim Caple (The Devil Wears Pinstripes

We all have problems or things that will get us down from time to time. No matter who we are. But a…

— Anurag Prakash Ray

“Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run. No! If you save somebody's life three times, their life…

— Moira Young

There needs to be debates, like we're going through. There needs to be townhall meetings. There needs to be travel. This is…

— George W. Bush

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will…

— Woody Allen

In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.

— Gordon B. Hinckley

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

— Bo Burnham

I would like to explore comedy, I want to do more theatre, and I definitely want a future in film.

— Jessica Raine

It's a horror movie, but it's quite emotional too, and there's a lot of humor.

— Andy Muschietti

You must've been born on a highway because that is where most accidents happen.

— Anonymous

“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.”

— Terry Pratchett

All of my life doing interviews, comedy has been my favorite thing, comedians are my favorite people.

— Larry King

I can't be typecast as a comedian. Only an actor capable of doing three-dimensional roles can do comedy.

— Rajpal Yadav

The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

— Rick Sutter

“Occasionally a few bubbles would eructate to the surface like the ghosts of beans on bath night.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Whether you decision is good or bad at least you had the balls to make one.”

— Benjamin Bayani

“i would rather eat dog shit full of razor blades than have anything to do with you.”

— David Levithan

The thing about a sense of humour is that it's not bestowed on the good. It's just randomly dished out.

— Chris Morris

“If you need philosophy and you're waiting on the gas chamber, stick to Socrates. At least he had a sense of humor.”

— Tyler Patrick Wood

Many gays have a good sense of humour and they like the wit I hopefully put into my performances.

— June Brown

Stupidity is like art. Everyone can do it, but only the truly gifted are masters at it.

— Nikhil Saluja

“My ballsack contains Future People. I’m holding a Meet ‘N’ Greet this Saturday in Branson.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Women!” he muttered. “Can't live with 'em, can't escape even by killing 'em.”

— Naomi Kramer

“Walking away from her… Now that was a whole different section of the bookstore. -Markus, Dark Desires at Midnight”

— Jessica Lee

There's a deep fly ball... Winfield goes back, back... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base.

— Jerry Coleman

I saw a girl texting and driving the other day and it really pissed me off, so I rolled down my window…

— John Vercetti

“Don't you see Blaynie." Mitch put his arm around her shoulders. "You're like an illegitimate little sister that I never wanted.”

— Shelly Laurenston