“Working in front of your mom it is like playing soccer in front of your coach” — Lunatchy Copy Share Image
“I go on the presumption that everyone's full of shit until proven otherwise, and this usually serves me in good stead.” — Dennis Lehane Copy Share Image
“Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to… — Sam Halpern Copy Share Image
Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday humor, and like enough to consent. — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
“In hindsight, I have no idea why he was ever with me. He thought highly of my breasts. And . . .… — Emma Forrest Copy Share Image
“I knew this would happen," Marla says. "You're such a flake. You love me. You ignore me. You save my life, then… — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
Let face the facts A) Dogs are mans best friend B) Food is dog best friend so until you go food you… — MrAwesome Copy Share Image
“Labor is a man crowning glory." "Not this man's." "I quote Marx" I raised my hands. The pickaxe handle had been rough.… — John Fowles Copy Share Image
As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness… — Stephen Fry Copy Share Image
I wouldn't say I have comedy chops. I guess you get lucky with good writing because I don't think I'm a comedian… — Michael Pena Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Stop putting psychedelic screensavers on computers. I sit down to check my e-mail, and the next thing I know it's… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“Now that I thought of it, perhaps whacking the burglar wasn’t quite…necessary. It occurred to me that he said “Hi.” I thought… — Kristan Higgins Copy Share Image
“Are you sure you guys will all…fit?” The looks on his brothers’ faces had Orion almost laughing loudly, but he held himself… — R.E. Butler Copy Share Image
“My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
Humor and laughter - not necessarily derogatory derision - are my pet tools. This may come from my general philosophy of never… — Marcel Duchamp Copy Share Image
“Stop saying drug use makes people lazy. Jimi Hendrix did a lot of drugs, even though he's been dead for forty years,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Nothing's a better cure for writer's block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton. — Don Roff Copy Share Image
“No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out.” — Mindy Kaling Copy Share Image
I always pushed back on doing long-form. I imagined SpongeBob as being simple, and I wanted to concentrate on character humor. — Stephen Hillenburg Copy Share Image
“Oh come on. You treat her like a Greek goddess and act like a lap dog around her. It is embarrassing.” — Wesley Chu Copy Share Image
“Do not pay attention to my cousins. Every family needs a couple idiots and we keep them around for entertainment.” — Michelle M. Pillow Copy Share Image
“Si, the speed limit sign said 35. Your Goin' 55." -Sadie Robertson "Oh, that's just a suggestion.” — Si Robertson Copy Share Image
Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
My parents are both really, really funny, and my little sister is a really good painter, and my other sister is a… — Michael Cera Copy Share Image
“I have an idea," Cazio said after a moment. "What a lonely creature it must be.” — Greg Keyes Copy Share Image
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink, let alone drown itself.” — Audra Red Copy Share Image
The whole play of existence is so beautiful that laughter can be the only response to it. Only laughter can be the… — Rajneesh Copy Share Image
“Will and I are thinking about writing a movie," Ben said. "It's called Theater Closed for Repairs.” — Lisa Goldstein Copy Share Image
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
You can defeat fear through humor, through pain, through honesty, bravery, intuition, and through love in the truest sense. — John Cassavetes Copy Share Image
“Holy crap. How fast does a person get sent to hell for checking out a priest?” — Amy Lamont Copy Share Image
“Just those of us with sisters-in-laws who bounce off walls. I feel like I am watching a Ping-Pong ball. Settle down.” — Christine Feehan Copy Share Image
I think the best advice I'd say to any actor when you do comedy is play it straight. — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still… — Michael Summers Copy Share Image
“When you're writing a whodunit, the dead body is the most important character. It's the pivot point around which the plot spins.” — Adrianne Lee Copy Share Image
Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? 'Damn I got to get the hell… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
I spilled some vodka on the carpet, and I vacuumed it up, and the vacuum got drunk. I had to take the… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
“The English winter is long, cold and wet, just like the English summer” — Benny Bellamacina Copy Share Image
