“I have the body of an 18-year-old, but it's in the trunk of my car and it's starting to smell. ” — Kimberly Cheryl Copy Share Image
I think a sense of humor is a very personal thing, and I don't know if I am talented enough to do… — Charlize Theron Copy Share Image
“The only reason I'm friends with any of you is because I outgrew the von Trapps, one annoying Austrian at a time.” — Lisa Mantchev Copy Share Image
“You're cooking", said Elizabeth, and each word came out of her mouth as if it was ashamed of being in the room… — Liam Perrin Copy Share Image
I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I think comedy's something you can't learn. It's an instinct, which makes it rather elusive. — Julie Walters Copy Share Image
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down to your hips. Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your… — Ken Kesey Copy Share Image
“No " Grandlibby replied. "Hail comes from hell. The devil sent it because he's happy that you're reading evil garbage.” — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“Tassels," I said in disgust. Alex, too, was turned in his seat. "You guys," he said. "He's still moving." Disappointed, I said,… — Meg Cabot Copy Share Image
“Perhaps, if you weren't so busy regarding my shortcomings, you'd find that I do possess redeeming qualities, discreet as they may be.… — Richelle E. Goodrich Copy Share Image
“Personally, I prefer Stevie Wonder," confessed the Chink, "but what the hell. Those cowgirls are always bitching because the only radio station… — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and… — Eugene Mirman Copy Share Image
“I'm here to tell you, there ain't much forgiveness in that old-time religion. That particular savior was a mean son of a… — Ava Gardner Copy Share Image
Humor is not only fun but healthy too! Heart attack is shown to be less likely to happen for people who have… — Babloo Copy Share Image
“The good part about having a mental disorder is having a valid reason for all the stupid things we do because of… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
The next time I move I hope I get a real easy phone number, something like 2222222. People will ask, "Mitch, how… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Onze boosaardige aartsvijand had de concentratieboog van een peuter die hyper was van de suiker.” — Shanna Swendson Copy Share Image
It's a very tough time for the playwright. Broadway has become almost a musical comedy theme park with all these long-running shows. — John Lithgow Copy Share Image
I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I drank the Kool-Aid of being a network star. Once it didn't happen, I realized it wasn't the best version of my… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
If you want to be witty, work on your character and say what you think on every occasion. — Stendhal Copy Share Image
In every relationship one must sacrifice to show thy love. Are you willing to make sacrifices for someone you love? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“As a rule, I believe people shouldn't follow rules; rules should follow people.” — Eric Micha'el Leventhal Copy Share Image
“People who discriminate understand that they are a stranger to others.” — Jestoni Revealed Copy Share Image
I enjoy doing these silly little videos, and a lot of stuff online is stuff I actually created for my live comedy… — Tom Lenk Copy Share Image
They say God laughs when you make plans, that's why I make appointments and sometimes reschedule. — Behdad Sami Copy Share Image
“Most of us cling to life as if our existence were a result of our deed or choice.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“I make love like farm equipment—not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can’t tell it. ” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
“Lord love you,” Ms. Eulalie said, “but you tell lies like Ms. Franny sings: hard to listen to and even harder to… — Kristin Walker Copy Share Image
“Mr. Li gives Dale and me free lessons for life. Dale hates it. I enjoy kicking others, but would do better in… — SheilaTurnage Copy Share Image
“I’ll have you know Southern isn’t a synonym for stupid.--soon-to-be-released novel, Cape Cursed.” — Janice Lane Palko Copy Share Image
'Mandem On The Wall' is an online comedy series that I produce, write and act in along with three other people. — Percelle Ascott Copy Share Image
“Humor and paradox are often the only ways to respond to life's sorrow with grace.” — Matthew Fox Copy Share Image
“I felt more solidly composed, now that I was horizontal. I was impossible to knock down.” — David Foster Wallace Copy Share Image
“We... Charlotta the Fourth and I... live in defiance of every known law of diet." ~ Miss Lavendar, chap 27” — L.M. Montgomery Copy Share Image
“Who the hell calls at two in the morning?" "Maybe it's Matt Wilde, confessing his love," Lindsay says. "Very funny,” — Lauren Oliver Copy Share Image
“I think it's good to smile at everybody so that everyone knows you love everyone. It's good for human pacifism.” — Aimee Bender Copy Share Image
I was a teacher before comedy, but it was good because no two days were the same, which this job is too. — Romesh Ranganathan Copy Share Image
There are two or three ways to combat homophobia - one is through humor. The second is to put a face on… — Leslie Jordan Copy Share Image
To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering. — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
