Humor Quotes · Page 354

I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.

— Ellen DeGeneres

“I always wonder how many potholes there are in the road less taken. I mean it's great to go where others don't,…

— Neil Leckman

“I'm intelligent because my mother stood in the brain-line and not the train-line.”

— LORRAINE GOKUL

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper…

— Bob Monkhouse

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

— Craig Ferguson

In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.

— Tina Fey

Whoever keeps his mouth shut when he realizes that he is wrong is wise and he who holds the mouth even if…

— Vikrant Parsai

When I grew up in Kansas, I was always getting in trouble for my blue sense of humor.

— Bridget Everett

“It's simply about gratitude and honor. It's about finding the joy in each of life's little facets, even the ones that are…

— Michelle Colston

“O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible, As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple! My master sues to…

— William Shakespeare

Comedy gigs are there because you are all in acceptance that the world is not the way it should be. You have…

— Jon Richardson

Stan Lee always wanted to do another syndicated strip while we were doing Spider-Man. I was working two jobs, and he wanted…

— John Romita, Sr

“What irritates me most of all about these morning people is their horribly good temper, as if they have been up for…

— Timur Vermes

“While Owen and Miles talk sports, I people watch. And this is what I see: teenagers trying to act like adults. Or…

— Melody Carlson

“I was still a newlywed and certainly wasn't to the point where I felt comfortable yelling, "I'm going to shit my pants…

— Mollie Gross

My humour comes from acknowledging different communities. That's what my fans are responding to - they know that I 'get it.' I…

— Russell Peters

Laughter has been implanted in our soul, that the soul may sometime be refreshed.

— Saint John Chrysostom

Finding a way to find humor in things that are hardcore is definitely something that, I think, the sitcom does best.

— Megyn Price

[Eric:] "I'm hoping that the more you see me, the more I'll grow on you." [Sookie:] "Like a fungus?

— Charlaine Harris

You get your cards, place your bets, and play the best game you can. The House always wins.

— Rock Cowles

“The beginning of forgiveness is often exhaustion. You're pooped; thank God.”

— Anne Lamott

Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.

— Jim Gaffigan

“Far be it from me to keep a woman from her book. That could become dangerous.”

— Elizabeth Hunter

“All that crap about time being a great healer is bullshit. Time heals nothing. Well, acne maybe.”

— Saurbh Katyal

“And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.”

— Scott Westerfeld

I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.

— Woody Allen

I feel like humor is a part of life. I don't think it comes through as much in the novels as it…

— Stephenie Meyer

“Running into a burning building probably wasn't the smartest move Kenton Lake had ever made. Then again, sadly, it wasn't his dumbest…

— Cynthia Eden

“Don't profane yourself, or the Biodag Dubh." Oh, Mary Ann. Me and the Beedak Doo are just fine.”

— Kendare Blake

“I have a feeling we're mooning a mean junkyard dog, all brave and laughing - until the dog's leash breaks”

— Kevin J. Anderson

I don't really feel like I'm doing comedy, per say. I play off of guys a certain way but I don't really…

— Christopher Daniels

“That is disappointing.” “That the governor of Brasov betrayed us?” Bogdan asked. “No, that the quality of assassins has fallen this low.”

— Kiersten White

There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.

— Kristen Chandler

A genius of comedy His talent brought joy and Laughter to all the world.

— Oliver Hardy

“I already told you,” said Adam. “There is no need to swear.” “Sorry, it just fucking slipped out,” said Zeb.”

— Margaret Atwood

I don't trust people that put the twist tie back on the bread...just spin it.

— Anonymous

“You're lucky I was on that roof all day. That old man... he was trying to sell you a Sega product.”

— Harvard Lampoon

Comedy was never a scarcity in Kollywood. Comedians of great calibre have emerged from this land.

— Vivek

“Graham is late for school because I had him stay up late to watch Citizen Kane.”

— Elwy Yost

Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.

— Noel Fielding