Humor Quotes · Page 352

I love comedy but I also enjoy drama. 'They' do say comedy is harder than drama, but I don't think about it…

— Krysten Ritter

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.

— Zach Galifianakis

Doing stand-up comedy is in the middle of a traffic jam getting everybody moving again.

— Jon Stewart

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

— Steven Wright

“If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich...not Dick. Hell I'd even settle for being called Chard.”

— Simone Elkeles

Sometimes I wish I could be on an episode of C.O.P.S so I can be known for SOMETHING.

— Raea

“Repeated critic sounds like music classic. I prefer Mozard or Bethoven”

— Wuwun Wiati

“What were you thinking when we were holding hands diagonally?" I ask. Jeff says, "I was thinking, 'It's going to be so…

— Tina Fey

“Lok’tar ogar!” The daemon holding me pulled my head back, exposing my throat. “Victory or death,” I retorted at my captor hoarsely.…

— Allison Pang

I'm very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, 'how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors'.…

— Milton Jones

There can be a science to joke writing, there are certainly rules and patterns that can be followed, but I think most…

— Robin Ince

Judge What is more sensual, sexier than a Cat Walk? Contestant Sir, Definitely a Komodo Dragon Walk moving his/her/its bottom 75 Degrees…

— Mohit Sharma

“He couldn't be serious and stern with a man who had ducklings in his hair, or who talked to baby birds like…

— Cat Sebastian

“I had a dream about you last night. The best day of my life was when I taught you how to juggle,…

— Michael Summers

“Looking back, I imagine that I was very odd, that I spoke too loudly, or that I said nothing when things of…

— Elizabeth Strout

“Sorry, When it walks like a saint, and quacks like a saint- It's a quacking saint.”

— C.C. Hunter

“If you were up to your neck in cat vomit and someone threw dog poop at you would you duck?”

— Joel Samaha

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Some actors try to play parts and do things they can't do. Being funny is one of them. Being funny's hard.

— Tom Sizemore

I was raised on the purest comedy there is: 'I Love Lucy.' I was raised watching 'Three's Company' and sitcoms of the…

— Mayim Bialik

I believe God did create the world. And I think we're finding out more and more and more as to how it…

— George W. Bush

I think my sense of humor is Jewish. I'm smarter than most white people, which is kind of a Jewish thing, too.

— Jim Goad

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

— Bob Hope

When I do comedy, I lose all inhibition and introspection. I no longer care.

— Jessica Alba

“Do you have anything to declare?' the statue asked me. 'Yes. I do have something to declare.' I said. 'I declare this…

— Rick Riordan

When I slid into comedy, naturally the first thing I said was, "hello, I am a washed up rapper."

— Doc Brown

I smell something burning. Oh...wait…nevermind, It's just my brain cells frying.

— Raea

“Dedicated to everyone who knows the importance of laughter, and counts it as their workout for the day.”

— Cassie Mae

The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin.

— Jerry Coleman

“By the way, don’t you think shoving a light bulb up baby Jesus’ butt and plugging it in is just a little…

— Dana Marie Bell

“I usually avoided any form of getting ready on Saturdays-the process just took away from the magic of being lazy.”

— Shannen Crane Camp

I want to be a three-dimensional actor, excelling in comedy, negative roles and even serious roles.

— Rajpal Yadav

“And a beautiful garden, not far from a beautiful lake, and I said it sounded perfectly perfect.”

— Vladimir Nabokov

In everyday life, I use positive thoughts, sense of humor, Taekwondo, running, and yoga to make me stronger.

— Pom Klementieff

“Each morning they came around, three brisk and serious men with efficient mouths and inefficient eyes...”

— Joseph Heller

Craig Sager's amazing attitude was truly inspirational. He was a champion during his battle, fighting every day with grace and humor.

— Monty Williams

“There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them." Robert…

— Robert Benchley

The naive was only a part of my fairy tales; humor was the real salt in them.

— Hans Christian Andersen

“I am in a ridiculous humour,' quoth Eugene; 'I am a ridiculous fellow. Everything is ridiculous. Come along!”

— Charles Dickens