Humor Quotes · Page 355

That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.

— Gloria Vanderbilt

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

— Steven Wright

I think I have a good sense of humor, but I don't consider myself funny.

— Da'Vine Joy Randolph

My father had a good sense of humour about a lot of things, including life, which I think I inherited.

— Brian Dennehy

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

— Tommy Cooper

Something about Floridians, man - they are good to me. I'm glad my comedy translates to them.

— Jo Koy

Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up!

— Anonymous

“Bridget - I like my tea like I like my men. Strong, sweet and dark. Joan - I like my tea like…

— Bridget Golightly

“It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized you could buy a packet of cereal with a free gift and…

— Eddie Izzard

A large number of deaf, crippled and blind people are afflicted solely through the malice of the demon. And one must in…

— Martin Luther

If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding…

— Tom Hiddleston

“You’re still a little shy, I see, the wizard noted. I think if you ignore evil, my friend, it tends to grow…

— Ann B. Keller

“I could get a fedora and a trench coat and a wisecracking sense of humor; she could sit poised at hotel bars…

— Tana French

Basically I made her [ Sara Pocock] listen to funk music for a good month, a nonstop stream of George Clinton. I…

— Baron Vaughn

“Lucifer’s kingdom is metaphorical, not literal. The fallen are scattered throughout the world, maintaining different bases of power for him.” “And my…

— Christina Henry

“Might as well toss this, Chickie, it's ruined. What was it like, getting shot?" "What kind of a dumb ass question is…

— MaryJanice Davidson

Big comedy is good, I like things that are big, but good comedy has to be truthful I think and has to…

— Steve Coogan

“My helicopter conversion was eye-opening, a case of learning '101 ways to kill yourself without trying'.”

— Richard de Crespigny

“Jesus shrugged. “Have you read the Torah? God doesn’t pick the best of the best. He picks the guys who need help.”

— Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

“Honey, he looks slippery as soap." And then adds, "A girl could lather up in soap like that.”

— Becca Fitzpatrick

I've always said that I myself am not the best audience for my own work, because I'm just not that receptive to…

— Todd Solondz

The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to…

— Jerry Coleman

“Jeden ze zakladnich zakonu stesti: Vzdycky se mej na pozoru pred jakymkoliv uzitecnym zarizenim, ktere vazi min nez jeho manual.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Deep, hearty, clean and compassionate laughter is vitamin-tastic fuel for the soul.”

— Ethel Russell-Ajisomo

I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.

— Steven Wright

I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his…

— Marc Maron

I'm always in situations where you can't be funny, and yet I want to do it anyway.

— Tim Heidecker

“Bein’ a soldier is not hard. If it was, soldiers would not be able to do it.”

— Terry Pratchett

I've used my sense of humor as a coping tool. It's gotten me through a lot of challenging times.

— Adam Rippon

Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I don't mind going from sadness to comedy in a split-second or mixing the two up.

— Taika Waititi

“you should learn that life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.”

— Brad Meltzer

'Downton' is one of the best jobs in the world, and I'm looking forward to the next series for Maggie Smith's wicked…

— Samantha Bond

I've always had the laugh. It just happens. It used to embarrass my parents.

— Conchata Ferrell

“I had only four hairs worth shaving, but I managed to inflict five cuts attempting to remove them.”

— Troy Soos

Laughter rarely lasts longer than a few seconds, it's true. But how enjoyable those few seconds are.

— David Levithan

“There's a saying," Aeneas said: "Keep an eye on Greeks when they offer gifts." He spoke wryly. "Horses, particularly.”

— Ursula K. Le Guin

Mentally I am ready for Christmas. Financially I am not ready for Christmas.

— Anonymous

Comedy is able to point out things in ways that more serious people cannot.

— Randy Rainbow

“I couldn’t stop staring. “Sweetheart,” he said, “is my slip showing or something?”

— Shelly Reuben