Humor Quotes · Page 356

“Life is a beautiful thing. Plant it in the ground, and it blooms into opportunity, capice?”

— Gasmaskman

I maintain that some Jew wrote it who probably heard about Christian people but never encountered any.

— Martin Luther

To me, sadness and humor aren't disrelated and humor is the best tool I've had against the sadness in my life.

— Mike Mills

“To read someone else's work is good, to have them read yours is amazing!”

— Rishi Barua

“Gossiping's part of witchcraft,' said Tiffany. 'They're checking to see if they've gone batty yet.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Go dangle your withered parts over the toilet!' Ignatius screamed savagely.”

— John Kennedy Toole

“There is nothing wrong with feeling cold in Alaska at -70 degrees. It's when you feel nothing at all that it times…

— Sergeant Major

“I don’t have enough gross words in my gross vocabulary to describe how gross that gross thought is. Gross.”

— A.S. King

“Without discussing it with his mother, Anton went up to his teacher, Miss Katballe, and informed her that after seven years he…

— Carsten Jensen

“He was thirty-six years old, and six foot three. He spoke English to people and French to cats, and Latin to the…

— Katherine Rundell

Comedy has allowed me to be my 100-percent-true self, as opposed to other places, where I feel like that's been a hindrance.…

— Amanda Seales

“He was in search of a story, nothing more. He shouldn't be thinking about her bedroom at all. But, in a matter…

— Aria Kane

Western doctors are like poor plumbers. They treat a splashing tub by cleaning up the water. These plumbers are extremely apt at…

— Denis Parsons Burkitt

“Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Now that your speech impediment has been rectified, perhaps you might say something. It would be best if it were humorous. I…

— Danielle L. Jensen

“...we sang in church " Tata Nzolo "! Which means Father in Heaven or Father of Fish Bait depending on just how…

— Barbara Kingsolver

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and…

— Chic Murray

“I walked with a sexy, confident walk, just like Bambi on his first walk.”

— Carolina Soto

It's very slow for me to create humor. It takes me a long time to write a humor piece. It takes days.

— Dave Barry

Clearly romantic comedy is my franchise genre, I don't mind saying that, it's true. I love doing them and hopefully always will…

— Meg Ryan

Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.

— Mark Twain

It sounds gross to say that I like myself more. But not everyone likes themselves that much. Especially in the comedy world

— Chris Kattan

“You taste like sugar," he pants through a smile, still out of breath. "Somehow I doubt that. But I appreciate the thought.”

— Addison Moore

The point is, this is a way to help inoculate me about what has come and is coming.

— George W. Bush

Comedy is a medicine - a healing process that can help people get through difficult times and understand things better

— Ricky Gervais

I can't see that it's wrong to give him a little legal experience before he goes out to practice law.

— John F. Kennedy

Indonesian people don't get satire; that's the thing. There's no thought in our humor.

— Rich Brian

Art must always remain earnest... Art must be serious, no sarcasm, comedy. One does not laugh at a loved one.

— Arshile Gorky

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

— Milton Jones

Action without thought is mindlessness, and thought without action is hypocritical.

— Ayn Rand

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

— Robert Orben

“For thirty minutes I sat back and felt the glimmer of pride that historically precedes the most catastrophic falls.”

— Antony John

Man:Why dont you come home with me. Girl:No.I don't think so. Man:Don't worry.I knew your sister. Girl:Yeah.That's why she got pregnant,Bitch.

— Jessica Sears

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

— A. P. Herbert

If you’ve got the comedy eye, you can look at any situation and see the humor in it while others don’t.

— Garry Marshall

I heard you're good in algebra, can you replace my 'X' without asking 'Y?'

— Anonymous

“You can't lead when you have not been loaded with the skills of immagination.”

— oladosu feyikogbon

No new sect ever had humor; no disciples either, even the disciples of Christ.

— Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

— Zach Galifianakis

I love everybody like I love my family: with pain, rage, random devotion, guilt, humor & tenderness.

— Anonymous