“I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand? ” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
“Why?" Kieran grinned. "'Cause you can't dance, it's too wet to plow, and it's a little windy to be stacking chickens.” — Jesse Hajicek Copy Share Image
I think a lot of people, when they don't quite fit in in the world, use humor to combat that and to… — Kaya Scodelario Copy Share Image
“The lads I've met in cupid's deadlock Were - shall we say? - born out of wedlock” — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
Comedy is so subjective, you know what I mean? To sit there and technically pick it apart is so stupid. — Nick Swardson Copy Share Image
In Physic, things of melancholic hue and quality are used against melancholy, sour against sour, salt to remove salt humors. — John Milton Copy Share Image
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Percy: Dad- Poseidon: Very well! It shall be as you say. But my son, pray this works. Percy: I'm praying, I'm talking… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“Man in the struggle for peace, if he is serious about it, if he really knows what it is all about, can… — Charles Malik Copy Share Image
Even though I have fond feelings for comedy clubs, I enjoy the focus you get in a theater. Comedy clubs are a… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“Taking the alphabet first and learning one letter a year for twenty-six years he will be able to read and write as… — John Kendrick Bangs Copy Share Image
“Can anyone be arrested for being such an asshole as him? Should they pass a law, legislate for just such things, make… — Chassis Albuquerque Copy Share Image
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Loneliness tortures many if not most of the elderly more intensely and more frequently than it torments many if not most of… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
My father was very funny, so I grew up with humor in the house. And I was always really attracted to comedies… — Susan Stroman Copy Share Image
“I'm never growing up, I'll just sit in the corner of time and sip my juice box petulantly and judge your terrible… — Rhiannon McGavin Copy Share Image
“the gift is having a daughter more gentle than you are, whose laughter is finer than yours.” — Charles Bukowski Copy Share Image
I'm a big cultural pusher when it comes to hip-hop, disco music, comedy, all that stuff that I love. — Deon Cole Copy Share Image
“A few times I saw a chicken walking around importantly, like some kind of a regional manager.” — Elif Batuman Copy Share Image
“Those guards are going to be all sorts of pissed when they find out they've been following a bunny rabbit.” — H.M. Ward Copy Share Image
Most of the time, the truth is ugly and in your face! My observational brand of humor is very much all in… — Erik Griffin Copy Share Image
Found my son and his girlfriend naked in his room...sex-ed is so advanced now, they also give homework. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think it's terribly difficult to take sex seriously if you've got a sense of humor. — Charlotte Bingham Copy Share Image
“Lowkey punchdrunk off this Sangria-sweet love and all it’s prodigious trappings…” — Brandi L. Bates Copy Share Image
People think comedians don't do drama. Comics are drama. And what is drama, as opposed to comedy? It's all the same to… — Sinbad Copy Share Image
“That's a pretty serious club, requiring tattoos. I thought only math club did that. - Jayke to Amber-” — Shawn Keenan Copy Share Image
“Are you sure about that he called off the wedding, Jolene? Sometimes Zeb misspells stuff in e-mails, and it comes across badly.” — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
“I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I… — Martin L. Gore Copy Share Image
To forget you is hard to do and to forget me is up to you. Forget me not, forget me never. Forget… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
“For women, shoes are the most important. Good shoes take you good places.” — Seo Min Hyun Copy Share Image
Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot… — Rowan Atkinson Copy Share Image
“If you love three people at the same time, choose the first one, because if there was a 4th or 5th one,… — Emmanuel Aghado Copy Share Image
I would really love to do an action movie. An action comedy would be right in my wheel house. But those are… — Adam Pally Copy Share Image
Humor is the most important thing in life. It trumps everything else, and it's the only thing that helps me deal with… — Paul Rudd Copy Share Image
Admit It. When you shut the lights off in the basement, you get out of there...fast! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You are a more powerful person than you might have ever imagined.” Maxwell D. Kalist.” — Carla H Krueger Copy Share Image
“Snug pants, bandeau-type corset, and trim, motorcycle jacket. It was a fabulous outfit, but it was so urban-fantasy book cover” — Chloe Neill Copy Share Image
“What song would lull a snake into submission? "John Mayer?" "Over my dead body." "Could be, Tim, could be.” — Gini Koch Copy Share Image
