Humor Quotes · Page 325

After having seen my dad do so much in comedy, I know I have a legacy to live up to.

— Ananya Panday

“Quietly trying to manifest what you want doesn’t work, being a bitch does.”

— Jonna Ivin

“It's okay to be a loser, it just depends on how good you are at being one.”

— Billie Joe Armstrong

“That's how I want to go. Taking my own way out and totally pissing everybody off at the end.”

— L.J. Smith

In my opinion, sexiness comes down to three things: chemistry, sense of humor, and treatment of waitstaff at restaurants.

— Rhoda Janzen

Comedy as dissent or any art form as dissent is going to be our last safety valve.

— Varun Grover

I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I never knew an early-rising, hard-working, prudent man, careful of his earnings, and strictly honest who complained of bad luck.

— Henry Ward Beecher

“They can’t help it, you know. It happens in the egg,” she reasoned. “As soon as they grow that genitalia, intelligence goes…

— G.A. Aiken

When I was eight, I would watch 'Friends' religiously. I had the entire DVD set. That was my whole view of America.…

— Geraldine Viswanathan

“I have a better idea,' said she. 'Know that under a mortal name am I mistress of the Palace of Kama in…

— Roger Zelazny

In comedy, you have to be unafraid to hang from the tree branch naked in the high wind and you have to…

— Matt LeBlanc

I love [Nikolai] Gogol's great eye for idiot behavior. Gogol said that life is so tragic, so stupendously sad that we'd better…

— Mel Brooks

“Yukiko steered the subject away from sex as fast as she could. She was still occasionally woken by nightmares about the day…

— Jay Kristoff

So once I thought of the villain with a sense of humor, I began to think of a name and the name…

— Jerry Robinson

They really cut to the chase in the urologist's examination room, and I tried to laugh. If this office were a movie,…

— Mike Birbiglia

“- My little brother craps himself." I laughed. "- Well, maybe it's because he's, like, only one?" "- Whatever, it's still gross.”

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

I'm equally terrified of both comedy and drama. The only thing I'm really comfortable with is action.

— Michael Shannon

The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for…

— Jerry Coleman

“Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.”

— Bauvard

A lot of times what's satisfying to me in comedy is when a woman successfully does self-care.

— Jenny Slate

“If you hear voices, you’re a lunatic. If you write down what they say, you’re an author.”

— Dani Harper

“Deceivingly, Miss Neville, the word vodka means 'little water.' The Russians are masters of the understatement." - Lord Nash”

— Liz Carlyle

If you became a comedian in the '80s, you had to work the circuit and make people laugh. Canned laughter is cheating.

— Paul Merton

Cashier: Are you buying these? Me: No, I'm going to steal them, I just wanted to show you first.

— Anonymous

“What's it like?" "Death? It's like being on holiday with a group of Germans.”

— Anonymous

“To me; reading a book is like watching a movie. Once I start, I can't stop until it's over.”

— Anonymous

Humour plays close to the big, hot fire, which is the truth, and the reader feels the heat.

— E. B. White

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

— Groucho Marx

There are some really funny people doing creative stuff with social media, which is sadly where a lot of my attention goes.

— Scott Rogowsky

I've done comedy, and I've done drama. I've sort of been a journeyman in my career so far.

— Zachary Knighton

“You know it’s the 21st Century when someone TEXTS you from the washroom to ask you to bring them a roll of…

— Comic Strip Mama

“What I knew for sure was that he had a quick temper, a cocky attitude, and a southern accent... Apparently he also…

— Stacy Mantle

As young Americans, you have an important responsibility, which is to become good citizens.

— George W. Bush

There's comedy even in tragedy. There's comedy in life. And in 'Castle', we go for that comedy.

— Nathan Fillion

The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.

— Chelsea Handler

Be pretty if you can, be witty if you must, but be gracious if it kills you.

— Elsie de Wolfe

“The quickest way to get over something you loved and lost is to get another one.”

— Karen Tenerowicz

I could not tread these perilous paths in safety, if I did not keep a saving sense of humor.

— Horatio Nelson

If affirmative action means what I just described, what I'm for, then I'm for it.

— George W. Bush