Humor Quotes · Page 323

Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.

— Henny Youngman

Laws and institutions, like clocks, must occasionally be cleaned, wound up, and set to true time.

— Henry Ward Beecher

Comedy and silliness has a place in wrestling, but there's still gotta be some level of believability.

— Eli Drake

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I…

— Adam Ferrara

I often use humor as a tool in my writing, and sometimes that works and sometimes it sits alone just as a…

— Hannes Holm

I think that... I would say that sometimes people get afraid of when you're balancing comedy and drama.

— Jim Rash

Onions think that they are ugly because you cry after you get them naked.

— Anonymous

Experimenting with drugs is like target practice where your head is the bull's-eye.

— Michael Josephson

“Hey, maybe you could invite the new guy to your party." Sarah suggested. Mark rolled his eyes. "Sure, I'll just ask the…

— K.S. Marsden

“Homo sapiens is one of the few species on earth that care if they’re seen having sex. The impala is unconcerned. The…

— Mary Roach

“I wish the trees would go into leaf that I might find out what they are. In their present undress I cannot…

— Laura Lafargue

“How is it that I am completely naked while you haven’t shed even one stitch of clothing?” “Because you were dinner, Rebecca.”…

— Krystal Shannan

“i do not eat breakfast. i never eat breakfast. I haven't eaten breakfast since I was able to walk out the back…

— David Levithan

I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic…

— Elaine Stritch

“He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs… “Okay,” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned…

— Rick Riordan

I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny because people tell me I…

— Greg Behrendt

Ironically, there isn't much comedy film in Britain, which is quite surprising seeing that we're quite good at it.

— Alice Lowe

“Don't you fancy having one of your dresses in the Smithsonian, Shelby?" "Your humor's always been on the odd side, Grant." "Thanks.”

— Nora Roberts

A sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to our steps as we walk the tightrope of life.

— Anonymous

Ghetto pronunciation: Bathroom = Baafrumm, Refrigerator = Fridgerataa, Remote = Moken Troll

— Anonymous

I always found that drama, really good drama, has a lot of comedy in it.

— Ed O'Neill

“Write with your heart, not your head. Brains tend to ooze out of your ears and nose when things get intense. Then…

— Lori Lesko

Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we…

— Anonymous

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

— James Agate

Women respond to comfort and a sense of humor. I was always able to make them laugh, so that helps a lot.

— Peter Dinklage

“To be creative is to look Madness in the eye and challenge it to a spitting contest.”

— River Fairchild

I left Indiana, and I ain't been back since. I've been doing comedy and paying my bills.

— Mike Epps

“Elsa thinks about how Granny used to say, 'You have standards and I have double standards, and so I win.”

— Fredrik Backman

“I'm convinced that Theoretical Physicist is just another way of saying BS Artist.”

— J.C. Cassels

“The pistachio: it's just like our politics. When the two sides are divided, that's when the nuts come out.”

— Stephen Colbert

I'm a performer. I do comedy and music, and I blend them together. My band is 'Nasty Delicious!'.

— Craig Robinson

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to…

— Doug Stanhope

“ Temporis filia veritas; cui me obstetricari non pudet . Truth is the daughter of time, and I feel no shame in…

— Johannes Kepler

“Hey you scummers, we got a cheap lawyer and we're no' afraid tae use him!" Rob Anybody.”

— Terry Pratchett

“It's cloaked in cultural mumbo jumbo, but I assure you that it is very hard science.”

— Jonathan Maberry

Humor is essential to a full and happy life. It is a reliever and relaxer of pressure and tension, and the saving…

— Richard L. Evans

A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.

— Abraham Lincoln

The internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.

— Anonymous

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

— Anonymous

“Are you real?” Stupid. Of course he’s real. “Yes, Julie. I’m not the mystical man from your dreams.”

— Caroline George