My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time… — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
Theres not a lot of good humor in medicine, but theres a lot of medicine in good humor. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me. J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban — JK Rowling Copy Share Image
“He looked as shocked as if I'd asked him to masturbate in front of me.” — Dia Reeves Copy Share Image
“I confronted the fact that I was not only talking to a dog, but answering for one.” — Claire Cook Copy Share Image
“We learned the seven traditional ways to make words unclear." "Seven? That many? Which was the most effective?" "Poor grammar skills.” — Lita Burke Copy Share Image
I am size SIXTEEN in real but if you ask my heart I am size ZERO from inside — Nidhi Saini Copy Share Image
“Stop it. This is me, remember? We've been thrown up by the same puppies.” — Robin McKinley Copy Share Image
I would like to do a romantic comedy, but not a romantic comedy that is cheesy. I want to do an old… — Sami Gayle Copy Share Image
“In the meantime, how about us doing some more sister things together?" Alys snorted. "Like what?" Oh, I don't know. Slay a… — L.J. Smith Copy Share Image
“I found this, though," Gazzy said excitedly, holding up a small green box. "Gas-X! Like, 'X' for explosion! This is great! I'm… — James Patterson Copy Share Image
Saturday Night Live was a show that I never thought I would be on, because I didn't do sketch comedy and I… — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me,… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
“You know what I need to do?" "Buy earrings?" "I need to fully embed myself in Gabriel's life. I need to get… — Chelsea Fine Copy Share Image
I, measuring his affections by my own, Which then most sought where most might not be found, Being one too many by… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
I like to be as diverse as possible. I think the humorous side and the serious side are both elements of my… — Macklemore Copy Share Image
Very honestly, I don't feel 'Munnabhai' is a comedy film. I seriously feel it is a very emotional film. — Rajkumar Hirani Copy Share Image
“I've found the best way to revise your own work is to pretend that somebody else wrote it and then to rip… — Don Roff Copy Share Image
I'm a clown. I'm a comedian. Comedy, by design, is a place to explore the subconscious. — Ramy Youssef Copy Share Image
“The past you lost is just like a dream. As you woke up new life starts. So, your actual birthday will be… — A.G Sorachi Copy Share Image
“In certain circumstances, basically shit ones, it’s fight or flight. With Tommy it’s always fright and flight.” — Terry Murphy Copy Share Image
“They say the first thing to go when you're old is your legs or your eyesight. It isn't true. The first thing… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
INTELLIGENCE is like underwear...It is important that you have it but not necessary that you show it off. — Nate Copy Share Image
My parents are cartoons. When they come up and visit, they're hilarious. My mother somehow finds a way to get in the… — Rick Hoffman Copy Share Image
“There is my first insight, young woman. Always downplay the value of money; it will make it much easier for him to… — Ted Dekker Copy Share Image
When your back is against the wall, there is only one thing to do, and that is turn around and fight. — John Major Copy Share Image
“A balloon with a picture of a rock with a painted on smiley face would be more interesting to talk to than… — M.S. Knight Copy Share Image
“Braith lifted his head from her shoulder, kissed him. Centuries and her kiss still made him as weak as one of her… — G.A. Aiken Copy Share Image
“A bumper sticker from the 1970s read, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” — Steven Pinker Copy Share Image
God is funny like that, He is funny. He rips your heart and He makes you believe. He makes you believe the… — Dawn Staley Copy Share Image
When I die I want my body to donate for research, but more specifically to a scientist who is working on bringing… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“What were you saying about the way I smell?" "It's like hot testosterone on a fuckin' cracker, sprinkled with cinnamon." ~Mariss” — Tyffani Clark Kemp Copy Share Image
There's so much I want to do. I love emotions, I love drama, I love comedy and I also want to take… — Gina Carano Copy Share Image
My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“But had I accepted the pickle juice, I would be drinking pickle juice right now.” — Nicki Minaj Copy Share Image
I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
“I'd love to do comedy. And I think I have a pretty good sense of comic thing, so I'd really like to… — Emily Perkins Copy Share Image
“Russell looked as though he were in very dire need of a trip to the bathroom.” — Christopher Andrews Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The Jacksons must trot out at least one family member who doesn't make us all ask, "What went on in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“The woman must look like the weathered side of a rotted fence post if she had to get a man this way.” — Lindsey Brookes Copy Share Image
