Humor Quotes · Page 321

The interesting thing about humor is that in humor, you - in logic, something is A or not A. In humor, it's…

— Robert Mankoff

Sometimes Americans don't quite get my sense of humor. My good ol' British sarcasm seems to go over their heads.

— Lee Westwood

This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot. I understand the emotionality of death penalty cases.

— George W. Bush

If I can make a teacher's salary doing comedy, I think that's better than being a teacher.

— Dave Chappelle

When I do comedy, I lose all inhibition and introspection. I no longer care.

— Jessica Alba

“Do you have anything to declare?' the statue asked me. 'Yes. I do have something to declare.' I said. 'I declare this…

— Rick Riordan

I smell something burning. Oh...wait…nevermind, It's just my brain cells frying.

— Raea

“Dedicated to everyone who knows the importance of laughter, and counts it as their workout for the day.”

— Cassie Mae

In business, there are times when you disagree, and sometimes it turns out that you're just plain wrong. Humor takes away tension…

— Craig Newmark

“The good news about self publishing is you get to do everything yourself. The bad news about self publishing is you get…

— Lori Lesko

“They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse control. That nothing is evil. Any concept…

— chuck palahniuk

We like to think the best of ourselves. We like to believe we always say and do the right things. We like…

— Roxane Gay

My real name is Scott Thompson. I could have gone by that name, but when I started doing comedy I thought I…

— Carrot Top

“Homo Sapiens evolved to think of people as divided into us and them. 'Us' was the group immediately around you, whoever you…

— Yuval Noah Harari

People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that…

— John Oliver

I'm a comedy geek so anything comedy related, whether that's standup shows, improv shows, I'm all over that. That's my favorite way…

— Rashida Jones

When I slid into comedy, naturally the first thing I said was, "hello, I am a washed up rapper."

— Doc Brown

Sometimes I wish I could be on an episode of C.O.P.S so I can be known for SOMETHING.

— Raea

“Repeated critic sounds like music classic. I prefer Mozard or Bethoven”

— Wuwun Wiati

Some actors try to play parts and do things they can't do. Being funny is one of them. Being funny's hard.

— Tom Sizemore

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

— Rodney Dangerfield

“If you were up to your neck in cat vomit and someone threw dog poop at you would you duck?”

— Joel Samaha

“Sorry, When it walks like a saint, and quacks like a saint- It's a quacking saint.”

— C.C. Hunter

I think my sense of humor is Jewish. I'm smarter than most white people, which is kind of a Jewish thing, too.

— Jim Goad

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

— Bob Hope

I was raised on the purest comedy there is: 'I Love Lucy.' I was raised watching 'Three's Company' and sitcoms of the…

— Mayim Bialik

I believe God did create the world. And I think we're finding out more and more and more as to how it…

— George W. Bush

Doing stand-up comedy is in the middle of a traffic jam getting everybody moving again.

— Jon Stewart

“Well, if this is what being an adult feels like, give me back my juice box and crayons any day.”

— Ruby Blaylock

I love comedy but I also enjoy drama. 'They' do say comedy is harder than drama, but I don't think about it…

— Krysten Ritter

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.

— Zach Galifianakis

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

— Steven Wright

“If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich...not Dick. Hell I'd even settle for being called Chard.”

— Simone Elkeles

“Did you ever meet someone who either had no sense of humor or was never serious, you couldn't tell which?”

— Jerry Stahl

I feel like all comedy does require a lack of vanity, but multi-cam, especially.

— Anna Faris

My dad, Jack, had a great sense of humour and had a strong impact on me and my humour.

— Billy Crystal

“Damn,' someone behind me says. 'I was hoping we would get to scrape some Stiff pancake off the pavement later.”

— Veronica Roth

Emotion is a shot of poison for heart patient.laughter is always a medicine

— Sachin Pkhrl

“It's best to locate the mind first before launching the 'missiles of contention'.”

— Gasmaskman