Humor Quotes · Page 319

I would love to see an adaptation of 'Less' by Andrew Sean Greer. It has all the things I want in a…

— Phoebe Fox

“Child, there's a sayin' every fishmonger has. When you buy land, you buy stones. When you buy fish, you buy bones.”

— Karen Cecil Smith

He shows a greater mind who does not restrain his laughter, than he who does not deny his tears.

— Seneca the Younger

Humor is hard, hard, hard. And if you fail with humor, you don't fail halfway. You drop the ball humor-wise and everyone…

— Patrick Rothfuss

“After all, which would you rather do, pal, screw Bridget Bardot’s brains out or read reviews of her movies?”

— M.T. Bass

I used to do a lot of comedy. I don't know what happened. I think it's my face.

— Eddie Marsan

My head says, 'go to the gym.' but my heart says, 'stay on the internet forever and eat tacos!'

— Anonymous

I like the English. They have the most rigid code if immorality in the world.

— Malcolm Bradbury

“Brendan wasn't sure how he felt about having someone defend his honor. He might look like some fairy tale prince, but he'd…

— Darien Cox

“I remembered that Beethoven's symphonies had sometimes been given names... they should have call [the Fifth] the Vampire, because it simply refused…

— Alan Bradley

For a hate group originally focused on video games, anger over a comedy movie for starring women might seem ridiculous. But at…

— Brianna Wu

“[After a period of separation, Phaeton and Daphne are cuddling.] Diomedes, meanwhile, was leaning to look behind Helion, staring with open fascination…

— John C. Wright

Regardless of what kind of film, the number one rule of comedy is to never take yourself too seriously and then the…

— Ari Graynor

People at shows have told me that they've shown my videos to their parents and families to help them come out of…

— Margaret Cho

“And for God's sake, don't let her watch Cinderella. What kind of example is that? A mindless twit who can't even remember…

— Emma Chase

“Eva," she said exasperated. "You should've established a personal style by now-and it shouldn't be sweats!" Monica, Eva Tramell's mother, in "Reflected…

— Sylvia Day

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my…

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.

— Mitch Hedberg

“Or should I say that he is like the hand that is able to scratch your itchy parts with the perfect amount…

— Memeko Arii

I know LSD; I don't need to take it anymore. Maybe when I die, like Aldous Huxley.

— Albert Hofmann

Christina Hoff Sommers is a self-identified feminist and registered Democrat with a Ph.D. in philosophy and a wicked sense of humor.

— Bari Weiss

The solution is always spiritual, and it almost never has anything to do with the problem ... laughter is carbonated holiness.

— Anne Lamott

“Food," I suggested. "Sleep. That's what I need. To get the hell away from here." Cole frowned at me, as if I'd…

— Maggie Stiefvater

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

— Robert Benchley

Good humor is a philosophic state of mind; it seems to say to nature that we take her no more seriously than…

— Ernest Renan

I try to measure the amount of truth in a work rather than just looking at the generic distinction between comedy and…

— Harold Ramis

“It’s not that the scene which is unfolding for you is out there – it’s coming from in here.”

— Art Hochberg

“Natural law says that matter cannot be created or destroyed, but that was pre-spanx.”

— Lisa Scottoline

“Guess what hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia means? Fear of long words. Isn't that the coolest?" - Kevin McGill in Madhattan Mystery”

— John J. Bonk

You know what I would really like to do? I'd like to do a half hour drama with comedy in it.

— Sharon Gless

I feel like people are funny, and women are people, so I'm sick of the distinction.

— Kate Flannery

'New Moon' was such a serious, depressing movie that people felt we had lost a little humor of the books.

— Wyck Godfrey

“Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.”

— Spike Milligan

If you want to reach any kind of poignancy or meaning a lot of times, coming from comedy is the best way…

— Matthew Weiner

“Graham glared him into silence, his eyes cold enough to make a penguin wish it had stocked up on thermal underwear.”

— Ian Barker

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.

— Jimmy Carr

“Wonderful", the Flatline said, "I never did like to do anything simple when I could do it ass-backwards.”

— William Gibson

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

— Kristen Schaal

“Who is playing this part anyway? That’s right, play it any way you want. That’s the way to play it.”

— Art Hochberg

I might've been witty, but I didn't have a shtick. So, I never considered myself a comedian.

— Scott Adsit