I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The charming sitcom is all very well, but good comedy is based on pain and danger and fear. — Prunella Scales Copy Share Image
I'm not religious, but the first thing I do in the Morning is look at the clock and pray I have more… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think through humor you can get a point across better than through just a dramatic narrative. — Dominique Crenn Copy Share Image
Seriously, I don't know when exactly that UFO landed & dumped all these stupid people, but they apparently aren't coming back for them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Don't live in the virtual world, get out there and buy yourself a laptop” — Benny Bellamacina Copy Share Image
A lot of people into Tool, for some reason, are not interested in humor. — Maynard James Keenan Copy Share Image
“How many plays have been written in France?' Candide asked the abbe. 'Five or six thousand.' 'That's a lot,' said Candide. 'How… — Voltaire Copy Share Image
“Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "if you were a vampire, this would have been a lot more… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“I have a theory that as human beings get older, chemicals are released into the brain to prepare us for the end.… — Kris D'Agostino Copy Share Image
I'll read, like, ten scripts, and then sometimes if I'm lucky, there will be two or three scripts that I like, and… — Michael Pena Copy Share Image
“Simon's brain tried to comprehend the situation. 'Was an international supermodel really holding Doc Gutson, leader of the infamous Bloodworth Gang, captive?” — Clare Havens Copy Share Image
“Well,' I said. 'I could strip off my clothes and reveal to you that under my jeans and sweatshirt I'm actually wearing… — Meg Cabot Copy Share Image
I just hate the whole idea of labeling anything as a comedy. If you tell me something's funny, I'll want to rebel… — Amy Sedaris Copy Share Image
In years past, comedy and fashion just haven't often gone hand in hand, so even though I love it, it wasn't something… — Ego Nwodim Copy Share Image
First rule of cleavage: it's not how low you go, but where and when you show. — Elisabeth Dale Copy Share Image
Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
“Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Humor is really one of the hardest things to define, very hard. And it's very ambiguous. You have it, or you don't.… — Heinrich Boll Copy Share Image
It's best, I think, to treat stand-up comedy on the telly like tapas: small tasters of something you'd love a proper plate… — Sarah Millican Copy Share Image
“This was like being in one of those National Geographic magazines. We were among the natives now.” — Brandi Salazar Copy Share Image
Love in France is a comedy; in England a tragedy; in Italy an opera seria; and in Germany a melodrama. — Marguerite Gardiner, Countess of Blessington Copy Share Image
When someone says expect the unexpected, slap them and say I bet you didn't expect that! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Comedy is an ability to observe and see what's funny in a situation and be able to forget yourself enough to do… — Madeline Kahn Copy Share Image
“I had a dream that I lost my teeth and when I woke up they were all still in my mouth, thank… — Starley Ard Copy Share Image
“This little piggie went to market(ing). This little piggie stayed home (to write). That's it. Story over. The third was an idiot.” — Suki Michelle Copy Share Image
I have this friend who does comedy but also music, and I really enjoyed his stuff, and I wanted to do that. — Rich Brian Copy Share Image
“How's the world treating you this morning?' 'Like a baby treats a diaper.” — Biyi Bandele-Thomas Copy Share Image
My style of roasting and having a dark sense of humor all comes straight out of being raised in the toughest part… — Tony Hinchcliffe Copy Share Image
People are meant to be certain places, and I think I'm meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy. — Bob Newhart Copy Share Image
I think great comedy comes from the oppressed. It comes from feeling like you've gotten punched up in a way. — Jessica Williams Copy Share Image
I love musical comedy; I love comedy in general, and I have varied taste in terms of books, film, theatre, and culture. — Tom Kitt Copy Share Image
If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!" — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I would like to work in both comedy and drama. I'd love to do a really juicy drama that's just really real. — Daniela Bobadilla Copy Share Image
“I pull out my e-reader and get back to my fictional boyfriend. Lord knows he won't cheat on me.” — M.D. Saperstein Copy Share Image
To give law enforcement the additional tools it needs to track down terror here at home. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
Whenever I've had a wig fall off, I've just played it off like I meant it to happen. Just keep a good… — Chris March Copy Share Image
Sorry but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of… — Emaliebaby Copy Share Image
Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
