When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, 'Who did this to you?' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The Catholic wisdom of the people... provides reasons for joy and humor even in the midst of a very hard life.” — The Catholic Church Copy Share Image
Only in math can you buy sixty cantaloupes and no one asks what the hell is wrong with you. — Charles M. Schulz Copy Share Image
I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
The government of man should be the monarchy of reason: it is too often the democracy of passions or the anarchy of… — Benjamin Whichcote Copy Share Image
“Don’t make a feller wait too long. A feller waiting on a gal can get ornery’er than a huntin’ dog that’s tree’d… — Colleen Houck Copy Share Image
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The Doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Only an idiot would try to break into a super-secret super-protected mansion while wearing maroon knee high boots.” — Stefani Chaney Copy Share Image
“Desjani pulled out a ration bar. 'Hungry?' she asked Geary. 'I had something earlier. Is that a Yanika Babiya?' 'No. It’s .… — Jack Campbell Copy Share Image
When I was a student I was very, very ambitious, completely immersed in my comedy career. I never had that period of… — Steve Coogan Copy Share Image
“Ryan couldn't believe his eyes. Gran wearing leather chaps in a Harley shop, talking about her ass. It was a living nightmare.… — Kylie Gilmore Copy Share Image
“Sophie coughed, and Oliver felt his cheeks becoming warm. “Don’t be an ass, Andrew.” “That’s a little bit difficult to accomplish, y’know?”… — Zeinab Alayan Copy Share Image
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I am not considering shifting my image from action to comedy or romantic comedy. I have done or am doing films which… — Bobby Deol Copy Share Image
“It wasn’t right. A rescuer shouldn't have a hard-on while performing a heroic act. Charles was pretty sure there was a rule… — Tiffany Allee Copy Share Image
MINSTREL, adj. Formerly a poet, singer or musician; now a nigger with a color less than skin deep and a humor more… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
I've always idolized Amy Poehler, because I think she's the best of the best as far as female comedy. — Kristen Bell Copy Share Image
“Quotations "Oh man, I hate that poofing shit. You scared me so bad, Ash, you made me eat this crappy cheese." (Nick… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
Everybody kind of looks to comedians and comedy for relief and a fresh breath about what is going on in the world. — Sean Hayes Copy Share Image
'Gujarat 11' has a good script; it is a full package of entertainment, comedy, emotions and has a message for the audience. — Daisy Shah Copy Share Image
We find ourselves less witty in remembering what we have said than in dreaming of what we would have said. — Jean Antoine Petit-Senn Copy Share Image
Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
“God's only mistakes are dogs and not giving cats opposable thumbs. Otherwise, it's a perfect world.” — Quasi Copy Share Image
Nobody thanks a witty man for politeness when he puts himself on a par with a society in which it would not… — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
“Promise me...that you'll...*cough*...you'll dispose of my body in the waste receptacles...conveniently located by the theater exits...” — Rich Burlew Copy Share Image
“Dying is easy, getting the dental floss off your finger and into the trash is hard.” — Gregor Collins Copy Share Image
“Clarification is not to clarify things. It is to put one’s self in the clear (Sir Humphrey Appleby)” — Jonathan Lynn & Anthony Jay Copy Share Image
Mel Brooks is one of the few authentic geniuses working in comedy in America today. — Gene Wilder Copy Share Image
I think the Irish humour is unique, there are lots of aspects to it. The Irish are quick witted, and their banter… — Dylan Llewellyn Copy Share Image
The secret of substitute teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you learned this afternoon. . . — Rick Sutter Copy Share Image
“The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'check enclosed.” — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
“Clarity and focus doesn’t always come from God or inspirational quotes. Usually, it takes your mother to slap the reality back into… — Shannon Alder Copy Share Image
The #MeToo movement is insanely serious, and there's no comedy to be mined out of that. — Joel McHale Copy Share Image
So many people are in comedy because of difficult mothers or broken homes. — Judd Apatow Copy Share Image
Good films will run, and people will watch it irrespective of whether it is suspense or a comedy. — Bobby Deol Copy Share Image
A good since of humor and someone who is loyal and cute-I like cute girls — Harry Styles Copy Share Image
You look up at drama, down at comedy. A singer, looking up is okay. A comic, it's death. — Buddy Hackett Copy Share Image
“Why do I have to do the sewin'? 'Cause I'm a girl? Is that it? It ain't fair, I tell ya!” — Sean Cullen Copy Share Image
“One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.” — Joyce Rachelle Copy Share Image
Dear Brain, Please start being able to tell the difference between hungry and bored. Sincerely, I am getting fat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
