Humor Quotes · Page 265

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.

— Natasha Leggero

“I might be old and ugly now, but you started that way, Jack.”

— Regina Sirois

“My, my, aren't we upper class and therefore faultlessly grammatical.”

— Sharon Green

“You were supposed to be my wingman, not my freaking kamikaze pilot.”

— Katelin LaMontagne

“His sniff rips a new piece off my heart.”

— Poppet

“The emotion was the most important thing.”

— Graham Spaid

“FK THAT. I AM TUCKER MAX. I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.”

— Tucker Max

I appreciate humor so much, but I'm actually not a funny girl.

— Emmanuelle Chriqui

“God, I missed you. I missed that.” “Missed what?” “You…your humor, your smile, your touch, your…everything.”

— S.C. Stephens

“Ah yes! I'm feeling a powerful energy through my bullshit chokra. - Jonathan "Jack" McVoy”

— E.J. Eisman

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I definitely need a girl that has a good sense of humor because there are some girls that are just very uptight.

— Romeo Santos

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.

— Mitch Hedberg

Laughter and irony are at heart reminders that we are not prisoners in this world, but voyagers through it.

— Eben Alexander

“Relaxing is hard to do at times. Worrying and agitation are even harder on the body and mind.”

— Art Hochberg

I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world LIFE IN PLASTIC it's fantastic. OH SHUT THE FUCK UP

— Barbie

Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the…

— Denis Leary

It's a lot of work and I also feel like I've done it. I miss comedy. And I also think that, from…

— Adam Arkin

“New Rule: If one of your news organization's headlines is about who got kicked off Dancing with the Stars last night, you're…

— Bill Maher

“There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health. Still, I love traveling down there,…

— George Carlin

“I've often wondered why Nature, widely publicized being infinite in its wisdom, should have made the grave mistake of creating redheads, always…

— P. G. Wodehouse

“Never give up the freeness of your soul. Live your duty to mankind, nurture creatures of this world as a true mother…

— Janvier Chouteu-Chando

“Surprisingly, I felt no anger towards him. He was just Man. Man in his basic, rudimentary state, easily moved by powerful emotions…

— Helon Habila

Comedy doesn't come easy for me. I've only done 2 movies that are really comedy-style films and I have to work at…

— Channing Tatum

On a scale of one to Lord of the Rings, how much did you walk today?

— Anonymous

“Some murders are well worth their prison term.”

— Morrissey

I inherited my dad's sense of humor and work ethic.

— Sistine Stallone

My comedy isn't going to solve problems; I'm not that deep.

— Gary Owens

I definitely think that comedy is my niche.

— Nikki Ziering

“The perfect neighbour lives next door to someone else.”

— Colin Tegerdine

“She doesn't know I see her every time when I look at the mirror.”

— Anuj Tiwari

“In case we become candles, I want to have a nice pose”

— Roronoa Zoro

I've been doing comedies but I'm not a comedian.

— Anonymous

“Do shut your mouth--you'll catch flies sitting there like that.”

— Jonathan L. Howard

Falling in love should be covered by insurance or at least Life alert.

— Anonymous

“Eva bija no Nākotnes. Nākotne atrodas Jelgavas novadā.”

— Jānis Joņevs

“Where do you get bitter cherries?" Deuce asked. "Disgruntled trees.”

— Abigail Roux

Living with computers gives funny ideas.

— Wim Crouwel

“Isn’t he cute? That he thinks he has a sense of humour?”

— Robyn Carr

Do you know what the key to comedy is? Timing.

— Winston Marshall