Humor Quotes · Page 266

I want to do drama, light comedy, the whole range.

— Bobby Darin

“Your pretense does not fool me, gnome. My eye will be upon you.”

— Cassandra Clare

It's one thing about insurance, that's a Washington term.

— George W. Bush

“Want to stop something, you better target on source.”

— Achyuta Surya

“If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?”

— Will Rogers

“I don't wanna be the joker who makes eyes full of tears in the end”

— Ags Orachimaruu

“the game will be finished when everyone is dead”

— TheRealMari

“Why don't you and I have a nice penetrating man-to-man conversation?”

— Sanami Matoh

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use…

— Sarah Silverman

“Love's a funny thing, especially with a man who gets paid to put junk in other people's slots. (The Mail Man)”

— Andrew Sturm

I like the word Anti Psychotic it sounds like a movement against 'Norman Bates'.

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

You never realize a dog is a man's best friend until you start betting on horses.

— Karel Capek

Dali had a good sense of humor - obviously you could tell just looking at him; he was funny.

— Joe Grant

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

— Adam Carolla

“Me? I go wherever the wind blows…and wherever the whiskey shots are half price.”

— Nicki Elson

When you do comedy shows, you usually don't finish until about 11 P.M. Then you have this adrenaline dump, and you get…

— Ronny Chieng

“He knew in that moment that falling in love with her would destroy him, and so he decided at once that he…

— Ash Gray

There is a collective as well as an individual humor inclining peoples to sadness or cheerfulness, making them see things in bright…

— Emile Durkheim

One of my favorite sketches, and a popular comedy formula, is to put someone with a mental handicap in some kind of…

— Bonnie McFarlane

I can't imagine being a woman in the world of acting, like where you age starts to weigh you down - you…

— Jim Jefferies

“Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If it is gay, ribald and lascivious night-life you are after, Israel is not the place for you. The night clubs you…

— George Mikes

This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like,…

— Jim Gaffigan

See Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both…

— Chris Rock

“If your dreams seem to be drifting away, wake up!”

— Benny Bellamacina

Realize that doing comedy is only going to make your depression worse.

— Jim Norton

When a chick has a sense of humor, there's nothing more attractive.

— Dylan O'Brien

America's biggest failure is its inability to take comedy seriously.

— H. L. Mencken

“If you lose I will kill you. -Zoro”

— Oda Eiichiro

“I'm going to walk out and bang the door hard”

— Anonymous

Clever is the eunuch version of funny.

— George Meyer

“I hate “fun runs” because, seriously, fuck you.”

— Allison Robicelli

“Achieve everything and fail at the rest”

— Benny Bellamacina

“Where's the dam water fountain I'm thirsty?”

— Rick Riordan

In some ways, comedy and something like a musical do go hand-in-hand.

— Emma Stone

“Who made you Queen of Literacy? Go sit in your car!”

— Jackson Pearce

What we've discovered is that Americans seem to love our saucy humor.

— Benny Hill

“It's raining like a cow relieving itself.”

— Rosen Topuzov

“Life could be horrible in the wrong trouser of time.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Lion dies with hungry but never eats grass”

— Anonymous